Bowie Reminds Us to Reinvent Ourselves

Rock icon David Bowie promotes his Blackstar album

“I heard the news today, oh boy…”

While the world is still reeling from the shocking news of rock and roll legend David Bowie’s passing on Sunday, January 10, his music, his spirit, and his legacy lives on. Examining his 40+ years as a musician, entertainer and trendsetter, his message becomes clear: Reinvent and transform yourself; go beyond what you may think is impossible; be proud of who you are. David Bowie lived it all.

After we dried our tears, my husband Mark and I played “The Best of Bowie” album and danced to Fame and Golden Years in our living room. When Heroes came on, we cranked up the stereo and took a seat to listen to the lyrics. Halfway through the song, the stereo went silent. The amp blew out! We got the message, David.

David-Bowie-737x800David Bowie was a modern day Magellan, exploring the unknown – the Universe, social justice, human relationships. He gave a voice to those who society shunned. We never knew what was coming next. He surprised, delighted and shocked us. As a young British performer in the 1960s, he kicked around London clubs, then morphed into the wildly flamboyant Ziggy Stardust in the 1970s, then transformed into the Thin White Duke. Every step of the way, we craved more.

Mark and I enjoyed every minute of Bowie’s January 7, 2004 concert in Cleveland, Ohio. Donning a crisp white shirt, with collar up of course, tight black pants and spiky golden hair, Bowie walked onto the stage and opened with Rebel, Rebel. The crowd went crazy. His electrifying performance – all 26 songs – was unimaginable for a man who at that time was in his late 50s. He brought the excitement and passion of a younger Bowie to the stage that night. He brought that high energy to every performance.

The internet is buzzing with comments, blog posts and tributes to Bowie. Here are two of my favorites:

Simon Critchley’s eloquent post in The Opinionated. 

Conan O’Brien’s tribute.

No one lived his life more fully than David Bowie. The lyrics of Changes remind us to live every moment in grace and to challenge the norm and even complacency. “Time may change me, but I can’t change time.” Let that be a lesson to us all. How can you live your life with greater purpose and fulfillment? What transformation is waiting for you?

 

How Reciprocal Are You?

Helping-HandIt’s early Saturday morning. I have just three items to purchase at Aldi. Easy in and out. Except today there is just one cashier, with two people ahead of me in line. Well, I think to myself, it’s still early. I have enough time to get my errands done.

A petite older woman, around 80, standing in front of me in line turns around, sees that I have just a few items, and says “Go ahead of me.” “Are you sure?” I ask. “Yes, you just have a few things and it will take me a while to unload my cart,” she says. “Thank you,” I reply. I set my three items down, put a divider between my items and hers and turn to her and say, “Well, then, let me help you unload your cart.” “Oh, thank you so much,” she says. “It looks like you’re going to be doing quite a bit of cooking this weekend,” I say. “Oh yes,” she replies. In less than a minute, her cart is unloaded. Teamwork at work. Generosity at work. Appreciation at work.

She begins to explain how she cooks for her son and daughter-in-law every weekend, and she takes meals to their home. They both work, and her daughter-in-law doesn’t come home until about 8:00 every workday evening. She says she loves to do this for her son and his wife because they are very busy.

This eighty-something woman, living on a fixed income, is cooking for her son’s family. I was so struck by her generosity. It’s that generation, though. Hard work. Determination. Family. All are typical values of the Silent Generation, those people who lived through the Great Depression and World War II, my parents’ generation.

My chance encounter with this woman made me think about reciprocity. She helped me by letting me go first. I helped her by unloading her cart. I started a conversation and she reciprocated. We spent just a few minutes together, and it was a pleasant, memorable experience.  You can ask yourself the same questions I asked myself: Who else can I help? What talents and skills can I use to help others in need? ‘Tis a New Year approaching…

Money Can’t Buy It

washington.eyeOf all the things that bring us the greatest joy in life, none of them are gifts that are purchased. Instead, they are gifts that come from the heart. They can be given or received. They cannot be bought.

Every year, beginning in late November, people begin purchasing items for holiday gift giving. Often within a few days after the presents have been opened, they become one of many material possessions, tucked away on a shelf, in a drawer, in a cupboard or a closet. The gifts that bring the most lasting joy are those that don’t cost a penny.

Consider the gifts that you can give to others every day:

A smile.

A kind word.

A thank you.

A helping hand.

Recognition for a job well done.

A story.

A shared memory.

A laugh.

A loving embrace.

A hug.

A positive attitude.

Not one of these costs a thing yet each delivers endless riches. What could you do to bring more value to conversations, exchanges or chance encounters this holiday season? How can you keep it going into the New Year? Every day?

Don’t just stand there…do something. If you see an older person struggling to open a door, come to the rescue. If someone drops a glove as she walks down the street, take it to her. If you see someone sitting alone at a gathering, go over and introduce yourself. Invest some time in giving to others. You just might make someone else’s day.

Birthday Wishes to My Favorite Nonagenarian

IreneWas.Retro copyToday I raise my glass with heartfelt “Happy Birthday” wishes to my mother, Irene, who is 95. She is an atypical nonagenarian. She continues to inspire me through her active lifestyle and caring nature. Never shy about sharing her thoughts, feelings and opinions, here are a few gems of knowledge that she has passed on to me over the years:

Be curious. My mother’s interest in others and the world around her makes her an engaging conversationalist. She can talk about literature, music, art, theatre, movies, poetry, politics, religion, world affairs, and just about any topic. Through my firsthand experience and observation of her interaction with family members and friends over the years, I have noticed that she is a master at inquiry and conversation.

Make smart choices. At the age of 19, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, my mother offered me an important piece of advice: “The world isn’t going to show up on your door step. You have to go out and meet the world!” In her words, she was telling me that in life you can choose to either be passive or active. The active approach ensures greater control and delivers better results than sitting and waiting for things to happen.

Serve others. One of my mom’s favorite comments is “When you care, you’re there.” Throughout her life, she has attended every shower, wedding, calling hours, funeral, memorial service, birthday, anniversary or celebration that she was invited to. She has made and delivered food, crocheted baby blankets and given gifts. It doesn’t matter if the recipient is a close family member or friend of a friend of a friend. If there’s a connection, she is there. This simple advice can have profound impact on other people’s lives.

Remain active. Each of us experiences diminishing physical, mental or emotional energy as we age. There are days when my mother will completely surprise me with her deep sense of determination. “Well, I couldn’t sleep, so I got up at 4:00 a.m. and baked an apple crisp, then I went back to bed at 6:30.” What?? I’m decades younger than she is and I have never done that. (And quite frankly I’m not sure if I ever will).

Irene-LifeSaver1930sDo what you love. My mom worked as a Life Savers girl in the 1930s. As a naturally gifted singer, she served as church organist and choir director. She taught in the parochial schools, then moved into the public schools. My mom received her first Bachelor of Arts degree in elementary education at the age of 47 and her second B.A. in Painting at the “young” age of 80. She says that in every step of the way, she was called to do what she did in her work. She loved both music and teaching. As a retiree, she continues her love of gardening and painting. Lessons like these are around us every day. You just have to pay attention.

The next time you’re feeling down or uninspired, think of the words that guide my mom through moments like that every day: “This too shall pass.” Take a deep breath, be grateful for who you are and what you have accomplished in life, and carry on. Who knows? You may be privileged someday to be a nonagenarian and inspire others.

A Simple, Powerful Statement

philosophyDecades ago when I tried to wrap my young mind around Philosophy 101, I struggled to understand its inherent polarities, complexities and of course the never-ending string of thought-provoking questions asked by my professor. At 19, I saw the sky as the sky and that was it. I hadn’t yet explored why the sky existed, how far it extended or if a parallel universe existed. Over the years, I have continued my fascination with the field of philosophy and the brilliant minds who have explored – and continue to explore –  inquiry, knowledge and thought.

In recent years, I have enjoyed the various 21-day meditation series created and hosted by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. They often include the Sanskrit Mantra “So Hum,”  which simply means “I am.”

Such a simple statement, yet within it lies a vast terrain for contemplation and exploration.

In my professional presentations, I often begin with an engaging kick-off activity that asks audience members to think of a word or phrase that best describes who they think they are. Then I ask them to pair up with another person in the room to describe each other with just one word or phrase, always in writing, never spoken. They do several rounds of this, with different partners, before revealing to each other how other people described them. The activity has the same result: Surprise and delight. People come away from the activity feeling validated. Often their perception of self comes close to what other people perceived. Once in a while there are some differences. The activity drives home the point that perception and reality are not always exactly the same.

People’s responses to this activity reinforce the notion that we are conditioned to believe that we must be validated by others to feel whole and complete. The human brain is designed to “name” and categorize every living being, object or experience. We create and attach labels to every thought and the brain stores that information for future retrieval (if retrieved at all).

While this activity has positive, consistent results, it reminds me that when we are truly whole and complete, there is no need to fill in the blank. We are enough as is. We simply say with immense satisfaction and fulfillment, “I am.”

Are you?

In Life, Take the Long Way Around

BlackRockSunsetIt was a bone-chilling Halloween night, leaving our legs and fingertips tingling from the cold. My friend Linda, my older sister Marianne and I were making our way back home, three long blocks away, after filling our sacks with candy. Linda complained that her thighs were numb, so we had a brilliant idea. “Let’s cut through.” We knew we would save time by cutting through people’s property, even though we knew it wasn’t socially acceptable. And so the cut-through began. First Dennison, then Lexington, then our street, Northfield. Just three blocks. We picked up our pace. Our short steps turned into long jogs.

I was quite proud of my sweets stash. My new orange plastic pumpkin with the black handle was chock full of candies and goodies. I knocked on a lot of doors to earn that candy. I couldn’t wait to get home to show my parents.

From the darkness between Lexington and Northfield came two masked teenage boys, much taller than us, running, shouting “A-r-r-r-r-r-r” and grabbing at our goodies. I fell down, and so did my teeming pumpkin, spilling some contents on the ground. I was so startled, I didn’t even stop to retrieve my lost candy. The three of us ran as fast as we could to Northfield. We stopped to catch our breath only when our feet touched the sidewalk. That experience left such an indelible impression on my young eight-year-old mind that I vowed never to cut through people’s property ever again. (The impression, of course, was reinforced by my parents when my sister and I told them what happened).

The experience taught me an important life lesson: When you think of taking short cuts, don’t. Take the long way around. In the end, you will be safe (or even sane) and further ahead in the process.

How often does that little voice inside of you say “Oh, just put in the basic information. No one will know the difference.” Taking the time to think something through, do the extra research or write a content-rich report is worth it in the end. Next time you’re tempted to take that shortcut, take the long way around instead.

What Do You Believe?

beliefAs my husband and I sat, waiting for a free community concert to begin, the woman sitting in front of us asked her friend, “Where’s your mother?” The woman replied, “She didn’t want to come because this concert is being held in a Catholic church.” (Both women were Jewish).

The concerts for the community-based orchestra are indeed held in a variety of religious venues throughout the year. This concert just happened to be performed in a Catholic church.

How sad, I thought to myself, that in our modern society today people are still so “old school.” Then I realized this woman’s mother was from the Traditionalist generation and remained loyal to her strong religious beliefs. She did not feel comfortable in a church. While I respect her belief and choice, her belief was standing in the way of her enjoying a magnificent free concert with an internationally acclaimed young violinist. Did I mention the concert was free?

This week, Oprah Winfrey is hosting a series on Belief on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. The series examines the broad topic of belief, including religious belief, and reminds us that we all carry with us different beliefs, and we have the right to do that. The series opens up your thinking about what people believe and what motivates or inspires them to believe.

I realized that my opinion about the Jewish mother not attending the concert was based on my own beliefs. In this case, I tapped into my belief that every person should have access to the arts. The mother definitely had access. I also believe that human beings have free will. Now we’re getting somewhere. The mother’s choice – based on her beliefs – made more sense to me. I was less judgmental of her decision.

It got me thinking: How often do our strong beliefs stand in the way of innovative thinking or creative expression? What do we lose in the process? How does our lifestyle support our beliefs? What do we gain?

Step Into Your Passion

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www.punchbrothers.com

It is a rare occurrence…to see people living their passion. When you experience that, you are inspired to find your own passion.

While driving on the highway tuned into to NPR this summer, I heard a Performance Today piece featuring Chris Thile of the eclectic musical group, Punch Brothers. Thile’s exquisite mandolin performance in the studio brought tears to my eyes. I listened with such intensity; I had never heard a mandolin played with such mastery and control.

Fast forward to this weekend. While strolling through the music building at Oberlin College (one of our favorite places), I noticed a Punch Brothers poster displayed on a wall. My memory kicked into high gear. “That name sounds familiar. Is that the same musician I heard on NPR?” Yes, it was. The group was in Oberlin this week sharing a series of master classes with young aspiring music students.

My husband and I decided to attend a 90-minute “Listening Tour” conversation on campus with Punch Brothers members Chris Thile, mandolin, Gabe Witcher, fiddle, Noam Pikelny, banjo, Chris Eldridge, guitar, and Paul Kowert, upright bass, along with guest singer/songwriter Aoife O’Donovan. Using their iPhones or computers, all of the performers played a diverse range of specific pieces of music that inspire them, including Bonnie Raitt’s cover of Joni Mitchell’s That Song About the Midway, Buck Owens’ Cryin’ Time, Sufjan Stevens’ Death With Dignity and Kendrick Lamar’s Alright. I began to understand what inspires musical creativity. Following the listening, the artists performed three songs, each one played masterfully. Two featured the clear harmony of Thile and O’Donovan. At the end of the performance, students gathered around each virtuoso, inspired by the music.

Over the years, I have had many conversations with people about the topic of passion. The word passion unfortunately has been reduced at times to a sophomoric description of something that we like. “I’m passionate about gardening.” “I have a true passion for life.” Without a fully memorable, meaningful experience to accompany it, passion is just a word. Seeing and hearing the flawless performances of the Punch Brothers and Aoife O’Donovan showed me what true passion looks, sounds and feels like. It is a complete sensory experience. Through intense facial expressions and body movement, the performers revealed their passion for music, like how Thile’s heels abruptly raised off the floor when he hit a certain note or O’Donovan’s gentle smile while holding a soft note. In watching the performers’ total immersion, I became inspired. There was nowhere else I wanted to be…just then.

How are you living your passion? How do you inspire others?

Lessons Learned From the Master, B.B. King

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B.B. King Photo Gallery, Academy of Achievement

The thrill is gone. America lost one of its greatest musical icons, B.B. King, on May 14. The loss of a legend provides the opportunity to gain some valuable life lessons. Here are a few that I have learned from B.B. King:

Be self motivated. B.B. King first learned the basics of guitar playing from his church minister, then taught himself the rest, mostly through mail order books. How motivated are you?

Be kind to others. Kindness is a general theme gleaned from interviews with the people who knew B.B. King best. It is true…a little kindness goes a long way. He was kind to others as he made his journey to the top. When he reached the top, he was kind to those who were just beginning their journey in the music world. It resulted in solid relationships and others wanting to do good for him.

Put your heart and soul into it. B.B. King was born to sing the blues and he remained committed to his craft into his late 80s. He unleashed raw passion and deep emotion for the music and the lyrics. Are you putting your heart and soul into what you do?

Measure the advice of others. B.B. King often told the story of advice his cousin, Bukka White, gave him when he decided to pursue a career in music. He said, “If you’re going to be a blues singer, a blues musician, always dress like you’re going to the bank to try to borrow money.” Sound advice for everyone launching their careers and managing impressions.

Create a unique sound. Tim Weiner, music critic of The New York Times said of King’s music: “Mr. King married country blues to big-city rhythms and created a sound instantly recognizable to millions: a stinging guitar with a shimmering vibrato, notes that coiled and leapt like an animal, and a voice that groaned and bent with the weight of lust, longing and lost love.” All too often, we try so desperately to be like someone else and in the process we lose sight of reaching our own full potential. What do you have to offer that is unique only to you?

Give back and pay it forward. Coming from a small southern town, B.B. King decided early on in his career to support the people from his adopted home town of Indianola, Mississippi. Over the years, he has helped to support the town’s efforts through an annual summer music festival, community programs and economic development with the B.B. King Museum and Delta Interpretive Center front and center. Thanks to B.B. King’s talent and generosity, Indianola is a thriving town today.

As we admire the life of this remarkable music legend, consider your own legacy. What work do you still want to do? What do you yet want to accomplish? Who can you inspire and motivate? Who can you extend a hand to and pull up along the way?  Rock on!

 

Empathy Provides a Deeper Connection

Victory Bell, Kent State University

Victory Bell, Kent State University

There are opportunities every day to practice empathy. Yet few people take on the challenge. They may think it’s too hard to become vulnerable and allow themselves to feel a deep emotional connection to someone else’s pain. What they would find, if they were willing, is that out of that empathy comes understanding.

Two days ago, my husband and I drove to our college alma mater, Kent State University, to attend the 45th commemoration of the May 4, 1970 shootings on that campus. I felt compelled to go, even though I was still in high school on that date 45 years ago. The University plays an important role in my life. Several family members received their undergraduate degrees there. It was also the place where I met my husband, Mark, in the late 1970s.

It was a postcard day, with clear blue skies, sunshine and a gentle breeze. The lilacs, viburnum and daffodils were in spectacular bloom. It was a stark antithesis of what happened on that hallowed ground of University Commons 45 years earlier.

IMG_2851The May 4 memorial sits atop a shady hillside next to Taylor Hall, where a small troop of National Guardsmen opened fire on students. At the entrance to the memorial sit three granite pavers demanding attention. Each is inscribed with one word. Inquire. Learn. Reflect. To me, they represent the essentials to practicing empathy. It reminds us that we didn’t need to be there 45 years ago to feel the impact of what happened that day.

Inquire. To practice empathy, an inquiring heart is required. It begins with a profound curiosity and a yearning to know about the world in which one lives. It starts with a series of open-ended questions that seek knowledge and the truth.

Learn. Response to inquiry provides the required foundation for learning and ultimately understanding. Continual learning leads to continual growth when the learning is applied and practiced. Learning can come from many sources ranging from books and scholarly journals to lived experiences.

Reflect. Reflection requires being fully present in the moment, when all distractions are averted. The mind is open to ponder information and facts and to gain perspective. Investing the time to reflect allows for a more personal understanding. Reflection can lead to more questions, deeper inquiry, learning, and so the cycle begins again. Inquire. Learn. Reflect.

As I listened to the family and friends of the four slain students, I felt profound empathy. The older sister of Bill Schroeder said “You showed up!” She said she would tell her 95-year old mother that we (the audience) showed up to remember her son and what happened that day. Our simple act of showing up had a much deeper meaning and value to one person and one family than we could imagine. You never know what your presence means.

People often confuse sympathy with empathy. The two are very different, as explained by Dr. Brene Brown in an excellent short video that’s less than three minutes. Watch it. It will change your perspective and help you understand when you’re being sympathetic when you should be empathetic.

The world needs greater empathy today. The workplace requires greater empathy today. Leaders must demonstrate greater empathy today. Before you enter the rabbit hole of name-calling and judgment of others, take time to practice empathy. Lay out the possibility in your heart and in your mind that you have the capacity to connect with someone else’s pain. Inquire. Learn. Reflect.

Photos: Christine Zust