Category Archives: Communication

Turn an Awkward Moment Into a Gracious Introduction

Posted on by

2peopletalkingHave you ever been in an awkward situation? Of course you have. You’re only human.

A few months ago, my husband and I were invited to attend a party of a professional colleague. We don’t know this person well, yet we continue to see each other at professional functions throughout the year. We decided to go.

And then it happened: The awkward moment.

Mark and I had gone through the buffet line and had just sat down at a table outside. The energetic hostess came over to us, dropped off two guests with the announcement, “Here’s someone you know!” The woman and I looked at each other. She looked somewhat familiar to me yet I couldn’t place where we had met. She could tell from my facial expression that I was struggling to place her face (I don’t mask confusion very well). She first said her name. Nothing registered. Then she mentioned the statewide professional organization where we first met a number of years ago. (She hadn’t attended any meetings in recent years).

I had seen her a handful of times over the past decade, and we had very little interaction with each other. That was then…this was now. No wonder my mind went blank. You see, the host assumed that I would remember her. Had the host thought a little more carefully about the introduction, she would have jogged my memory. The introduction could have sounded something like this:

“Christine, you may remember (key words) Jane Doe (include the first and last name) from the ABC organization (mention the name of the professional organization).” In this way, the host has given me a frame of reference, a context in which I can recall that person. Simply saying “Here’s someone you know!” doesn’t provide enough reference to jog the memory.

The next time you introduce people, take a moment to think before speaking. Include some frame of reference. You could save a colleague or friend the embarrassment – and frustration – of experiencing an awkward moment.

LinkedIn Contacts Require a Closer Look

Posted on by

imagesThere I was, minding my own business on LinkedIn last week, and I got distracted by a pop-up window asking me if I wanted to connect with several people who I knew. One of them, a woman I have known for decades yet haven’t seen for years, was included in the list. I thought how nice it would be to reconnect, so I sent the LinkedIn request. She accepted my invitation within a day. What happened next caught me by surprise.

You see, I sent her a follow-up LinkedIn private message, telling her how glad I was that we were reconnected through LinkedIn and how “easy” it would be for us to get together for coffee or lunch. (I remembered that she and I lived on the same side of town.) Now comes the kicker. Her response was simply how she would love to get together but I may have to wait a while…a few years…because she and her husband were living on their sailboat in Belize. Wow.

I learned a very important lesson: Sometimes we may think we know the people in our LinkedIn network and then we discover we don’t know them at all. It got me thinking. How often do you review your LinkedIn network of contacts? I mean really review who is in your network, where they are, what they are doing, their background, their interests?

When I began my career several decades ago, people often measured your level of influence based on the size of your Rolodex*. Power came with volume. The more contacts, the bigger the Rolodex. The bigger the Rolodex, the greater the influence. Today, that level of influence is measured by the number of LinkedIn contacts, Twitter followers or Facebook friends you have. The landscape has changed.

So when I received this message from my colleague in Belize, I smiled and said to myself, “How cool is this? Here I am, sitting in my home office in Ohio and she’s sitting on her boat halfway around the world and we are connecting through technology.” It just goes to show you, you can connect and reconnect with people in your network at any time, anywhere in the world.

How often do you review your LinkedIn network? Who needs to be included? Who can you reconnect with through a simple email, phone call or text? What’s your plan? Your network awaits you.

*Rolodex (definition): For those of you who are too young to remember, the Rolodex system is a unique way of alphabetically “filing” business contact information (name, title, company, etc.) on individual physical cards placed within a metal holder for easy retrieval. Created in 1956, the word Rolodex comes from combining the words “rolling” and “index.” I’m sure you can still find them in some people’s offices today.

To Have or To Not Have: A Coffee Chat

Posted on by

coffee-cup-funny-faceSmallIf there is one thing I have learned about the business world today it’s this: People are busy! Their calendars are jammed with meetings, either virtual or in-person. They are being asked to produce more with fewer resources. The bar for performance has been raised into the stratosphere, often accompanied by unrealistic expectations. It begs the question, “How do you use your time each day?”

Time is a precious commodity because there is a finite amount of it available to you. Every person is given 24 hours in one day, 60 minutes in each hour and 60 seconds in each minute. No more. No less. You choose what to do within that given time period every day. Some people handle their time more efficiently than others.

A great time vampire, if you let it be, is the coffee chat. It sounds like a simple request: “Let’s have coffee and chat.” If you are not careful and you don’t qualify the request, that time can quickly turn into this: “Let’s have coffee and chat and spend the entire time talking about me and what I need from you so that I can be more successful in my life.”

Don’t get me wrong. Having coffee with colleagues and chatting about something that is mutually meaningful is time well spent. When someone who you haven’t heard from in 5-10 years wants you to drop everything and have coffee and chat about what he wants to do with his life, then take the time and ask yourself “Is it worthy of me investing my time?”

This is not cold hearted. You are just trying to free up your schedule to do more of the things that you need to do rather than saying “Yes” to every request that comes your way. Here is a foolproof solution to these phantom requests: Have a conversation by phone rather than in person. Not having to drive to a location saves you about an hour round trip. Telephone conversations typically are much shorter than in-person conversations. What could consume two to three hours of your time is neatly reduced to 20-30 minutes. You get what you need, and so does the other person.

The next time someone requests coffee and a chat in person, think about the value of your time. Is it worth two to three hours or 20-30 minutes? The choice is yours.

A Real Pro Uses Good Grammar

Posted on by

Screen shot 2015-03-02 at 3.49.01 PMOne of the most powerful tools that positions you as a professional is your command of the English language. That includes use of good grammar in all forms of communication. The next time you submit a resume to a prospective employer, give it one last review before submitting it. Grammatical error is a top reason why candidates do not get invited to an interview. Instead, the resume goes right into the round file.

In celebration of National Grammar Day (today), I encourage you to set aside SpellCheck for just today and challenge yourself to read, review, analyze and pick apart what you have written and see if you can find those nasty grammatical errors without the help of modern technology.

To me, the most offensive grammatical error is the misuse of one of the tiniest words in the English language, its (which includes it’s and its’). I just received a news release from a colleague announcing a milestone event. In the first sentence, there it was, plain as day: “…celebrated it’s anniversary…” Like hearing nails on a chalkboard, my body began convulsing at the mere sight of it.

Professionals today, many of whom are college educated, even with advanced degrees, do not (sadly) know the difference among its, it’s and its’. So let me lay it out for you here once and for all.

It’s: As you learned in elementary school, an apostrophe indicates a contraction, like she’s (she is), isn’t (is not). In the case of it’s, this contraction stands for either it is or it has. Therefore, when you read a sentence and insert the words it is or it has and it does not make sense, then it requires no apostrophe because it is not a contraction. Case in point: My colleague’s news release should have read: …celebrated its anniversary.

Its: As stated above, its is a possessive form, showing ownership, not requiring an apostrophe because the meaning would change to what we’ve covered above. Think of other pronouns showing possession that all end in s, like his, hers, yours, ours.

Its’: Well, this is just plain silly. This does not even exist, so stop using it.

As you can see, there are only two correct solutions: it’s or its. It’s that simple!

With my pet grammatical peeve out of the way, consider the interesting twists and turns built into our language that only you, the composer, can control. Do you know the difference? They’re or their or there. Read or red. Hear or here. Make sure you’re (not your) selecting the correct word or your (not you’re) level of professionalism may slip a few notches. A misplaced apostrophe may seem small, yet it can have huge impact, like not getting a chance to interview for that job you really wanted. Imagine that.

Write a Love Note, Adult Style

Posted on by

AValentineGirlOpenjpg004The biggest “love day” celebration comes on Valentine’s Day – February 14 – each year, when people remember the people they love and admire the most by offering a card, a call, chocolates, dinner or a gift.

When I was in elementary school, beginning the first week of February, each student would bring in a shoe box, decorated as a repository for classmates’ valentines professing their love (or like) to you. Even the kids who nobody liked received and gave valentines as a sign of unity. With some glue and scissors in hand, I would cut multiple hearts out of red construction paper and add a few of my mom’s paper doilies, add my name – Christine – in big letters (in crayon, of course), and proudly display it at the back of the classroom with the others students’ boxes. Of course I hoped that mine would stand out so my classmates would simply have to put a valentine in my decorated box. The memory is vivid because it was the one time of the year when appreciation was shown through giving and receiving.

In my workshops, people often tell me how much it means to them to receive recognition. “All I want to know is if I’m doing a good job.” “I would like to receive some feedback more often than just during my annual performance review.” Words cost less than valentines. Words cost nothing, yet they can bring such joy and delight when they are sent with love, kindness and good intention.

AValentineGirlClosedjpg003I purchased this adorable valentine at an antique store years ago and recently rediscovered it while cleaning out some drawers. It got me thinking that we need to share our love, appreciation and gratitude with people who mean the most to us more than just once a year. Imagine how different your life would be if you brought the spirit of Valentine’s Day into your daily activities.

Who in your life would you like to give a valentine to? That valentine can come in any form: A written letter, a card, a brief phone call or even an email or text message. Whether it is love or gratitude that you want to acknowledge, appreciation or a thank you for a kind gesture, take the time to do it. People in your life will truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Invite an Outsider In

Posted on by

openhand“Get outside your comfort zone.” “Push the envelope.” “Be more.”

You have been in conversations or meetings where statements like these were made, reminding you to shake off any complacency. When you apply these commands to your interaction with people, your mindset (hopefully) shifts.

In her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, author Susan Cain reminds us that not every person is socially outgoing. She points out that introverts, while quiet and contemplative, have a lot to contribute. They just may need to be invited into the conversation.

Introverts can often feel like outsiders, especially in a room full of extraverts. Whether you are an introvert or an extravert, take a moment to observe the behavior of your co-workers and clients. Does that person need encouragement or a nudge to share their thoughts and opinions? It could be you who invites that outsider into the conversation. The result could be uncovering some brilliant ideas. It begins with some simple questions:

What are your thoughts about…?

I would like to hear your opinions about…?

Your comments are valuable to me. What information can you share about…?

Initiate a conversation with the other person. If you would like to hear more about a certain topic, simply say, “Tell me more about that” or “Could you explain that to me a little further?”

As you scan the room at an event or a meeting, look for the person who sits on the sidelines, against a wall rather than at the table. Extend an invitation to sit at the table. Open up the space for that person to share her/his voice. Sometimes you need to gently pull someone along with you.

If you are that introvert, challenge yourself to make small changes in your interactions with other people. Those small changes over time will give you the confidence to be more open with your ideas, thoughts and opinions. An example: If you have an idea that is worth sharing, write it on your To Do List to bring it up at the next meeting. Once you get into the habit, you will feel more comfortable with other people and yes, even the extraverts.

An Apology? How Refreshing

Posted on by
Alex Q. Arbuckle, Mashable

Alex Q. Arbuckle, Mashable

In a world where apologies are rare, let alone public, an apology of epic proportion was issued late Monday night that deserves mention and celebration.

Gary Szatkowski, chief of the National Weather Service office serving Mount Holly, New Jersey and Philadelphia, publicly apologized on Twitter for predicting a larger than actual storm in the New York City area along with neighboring New Jersey and Philadelphia. New York City received about a half foot of snow rather than the two feet that were forecast. While some people may have felt inconvenienced by the city subway being shut down by Mayor Bill de Blasio, we all make mistakes. How great that an apology was issued. There are lessons to learn here.

It’s better to be safe than sorry. Millions of New Yorkers remained safe and at home on Tuesday night with full refrigerators and bottled water in their pantries. Now they don’t have to shop for a week. Now that’s a rare thing in New York City.

Life is about choices. Choosing the European precipitation forecast map over the American forecast map was the choice that was made. In this case, using the European map overestimated the actual snowfall. This happens in our lives every day.

The apology came through Twitter. There was no need to call a news conference to make the apology. Szatkowski knew that Twitter would be the fastest and most public way to get an apology out to the public and key decision makers. Brilliant thinking on his part and a reminder of the power of social media. The public became engaged in the conversation.

People are cool with forgiveness. Social media was all abuzz about this top news story. People began Tweeting their remarks to Szatkowski and the news media about how cool it was to even get an apology, let alone use social media to do it.

Life goes on. Yesterday, New Yorkers and other East Coasters returned to their normal routine. What this event left behind was an epic story to be shared with generations to come. Think of it, sitting around the dinner table some snowy night in 2050, telling your grandchildren…”Then there was the time when Grandma had to actually cook dinner for Grandpa instead of getting a takeaway at the corner deli…”

Now with Boston, well, that’s another story…that you can follow on Twitter @StormBoston.

 

Conversation Leads to Understanding

Posted on by

PathSmall

People are in great need today of connecting through conversation. Understanding – and healing – comes through honest, open dialogue.

More than a decade ago, I read an article in Utne Reader about a group called the Conversation Cafe that was looking for people who were interested in hosting conversations in cities and towns across America.

I began hosting a monthly Conversation Cafe on various topics and soon realized that people were craving connection through meaningful dialogue. As facilitator, it is my responsibility to keep the conversation focused and moving. The simple Conversation Cafe model works. What makes this model different is that it uses a talking object, a simple item that is passed from person to person. The person with the talking object in hand has the floor. No one can interrupt that person while speaking. The facilitator can ask clarifying questions.

What makes the Conversation Cafe unique is its agreements. All participants agree to follow the protocol. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could use agreements like this in our workplace or home conversations?

  • Open-mindedness: Listen to and respect all points of view.
  • Acceptance: Suspend judgment as best you can.
  • Curiosity: Seek to understand rather than persuade.
  • Discovery: Question assumptions, look for new insights.
  • Sincerity: Speak from your heart and personal experience.
  • Brevity: Go for honesty and depth but don’t go on and on.

Conversations include a four-step process that helps the group to better understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. During the final round, I close the conversation by asking the question, “What are you taking away from our conversation?” Participants’ comments usually include how glad they were that they came, how much they learned, how they enjoyed hearing other people’s thoughts, ideas or perspectives, or how they will challenge their thinking on the subject. Often, participants transform their thinking on the topic.

Today, the Conversation Cafe model is hosted in seven countries. Eleven states in the United States host Cafes. If you are interested in starting a Conversation Cafe in your corner of the world, visit the Conversation Cafe website.

Companies, organizations, groups, cities, states and countries can benefit from using the Conversation Cafe model to open up dialogue. By listening to each other’s voices in a respectful way, we will be better able to understand each other.

All positive change begins with open dialogue.

Happy Holiday, Mr. Berlin

Posted on by

BerlinPortrait1When I was growing up in the BPC era (Before Politically Correct), my young vocabulary knew nothing of Chanukkah or Kwanzaa. I only knew Christmas. Occasionally my parents would receive a card with the sentiment, “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays.” Most often, the card read, “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.”

Today, we celebrate many religious and cultural holidays this time of year. Some people think that the phrase “Happy Holidays” was created in recent years so that people could be more politically correct in their greetings (thinking that it covered all holidays).

It was a song, entitled Happy Holiday (no “s”) composed by Irving Berlin, one of America’s greatest song writers, and introduced in 1942 that popularized this greeting among Americans. At that time, America and many of its allies were engaged in World War II. This song helped to lighten the holidays with its upbeat tempo. Berlin’s most beloved holiday song, White Christmas, was also featured in the movie, Holiday Inn, that same year. A much more somber, reflective piece, the song was written for soldiers who were far away from home during the holidays.

No matter how you choose to extend your greetings to others this season, allow them to come from your heart. To all families – including our soldiers’ – who are away from their loved ones this season, I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukkah and Joyous Kwanzaa from my home to yours.

A Holiday Guide for Introverts and Extraverts

Posted on by

During the holiday season, you are busy, busy, busy…attending or hosting holiday parties, meeting year-end quotas, buying gifts, volunteering, baking, cooking, and running lots of errands. Depending on your personal style, you are either energized or drained by all of the activity. Here is a simple guide to the holidays for introverts and extraverts.

Extraverts love being with people because they get their energy from others. For extraverts, the more people they meet or visit with, the happier they are. If they go too long without human contact, they feel like they are missing something. During the holidays, extraverts are in their glory, however, they have to be careful not to run out of steam.

Tips for Extraverts:

Get plenty of quality sleep between parties and get-togethers because you can get rundown.

Remember to chew your food and swallow it. You are so energized by others, you may try to talk and eat at the same time. Result: Indigestion. Don’t gulp. Sip. Don’t inhale food. Chew.

Come up for air. Your body needs oxygen to replenish and refresh. Take a moment to simply take a few deep breaths between mixing and mingling.

Introverts, on the other hand, can easily get “peopled out” this time of year. Introverts recharge by finding quality alone time. They would rather sit quietly at home sipping a glass of wine in private than being bombarded by too many outgoing people at parties and events. It requires a lot of energy and mental preparation for introverts to attend party after party.

Tips for Introverts:

Set a time limit. It may be easier for you to attend multiple parties and events if you give yourself a set time. Know how much you can take. Decide to stay for one hour or two. When you’re ready, leave.

Try a new zone. Every event has four distinct meeting zones: Receiving/reception zone, food zone, bar zone and sitting/standing zone. For in-home parties, there’s a fifth zone, and that’s the kitchen (food preparation zone). Instead of heading for that chair, try spending a little time in a different zone. See how it feels. Then try another zone. Movement gives you more freedom and control.

Scan the crowd for other introverts. If being with too many extraverts at the same time overwhelms you, find your tribe by looking for other introverts. They’re easy to spot. They are usually sitting by themselves or are doing less of the talking (because they can’t get in a word with extraverts).

How to handle the “Clash of the Titans.” When introverts and extraverts live together and go to parties and events together, they may experience a battle of the wills. The extravert wants to attend every party and stay all night, and the introvert doesn’t. Find a happy compromise by setting some ground rules before you leave for the event.

How many parties will you attend? (All, some, a few?)

How long will you stay? (A half hour? Hour? The entire evening?)

Will you stay together or separate at the event?

Should you drive to the event together or separately?

When you have a clearer understanding of what your personal style is – extravert or introvert – and respect and honor the person whose style is different from yours, you will get much more out of the holidays. You will have a great time because you are  prepared!