Author Archives: admin

How Reciprocal Are You?

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Helping-HandIt’s early Saturday morning. I have just three items to purchase at Aldi. Easy in and out. Except today there is just one cashier, with two people ahead of me in line. Well, I think to myself, it’s still early. I have enough time to get my errands done.

A petite older woman, around 80, standing in front of me in line turns around, sees that I have just a few items, and says “Go ahead of me.” “Are you sure?” I ask. “Yes, you just have a few things and it will take me a while to unload my cart,” she says. “Thank you,” I reply. I set my three items down, put a divider between my items and hers and turn to her and say, “Well, then, let me help you unload your cart.” “Oh, thank you so much,” she says. “It looks like you’re going to be doing quite a bit of cooking this weekend,” I say. “Oh yes,” she replies. In less than a minute, her cart is unloaded. Teamwork at work. Generosity at work. Appreciation at work.

She begins to explain how she cooks for her son and daughter-in-law every weekend, and she takes meals to their home. They both work, and her daughter-in-law doesn’t come home until about 8:00 every workday evening. She says she loves to do this for her son and his wife because they are very busy.

This eighty-something woman, living on a fixed income, is cooking for her son’s family. I was so struck by her generosity. It’s that generation, though. Hard work. Determination. Family. All are typical values of the Silent Generation, those people who lived through the Great Depression and World War II, my parents’ generation.

My chance encounter with this woman made me think about reciprocity. She helped me by letting me go first. I helped her by unloading her cart. I started a conversation and she reciprocated. We spent just a few minutes together, and it was a pleasant, memorable experience.  You can ask yourself the same questions I asked myself: Who else can I help? What talents and skills can I use to help others in need? ‘Tis a New Year approaching…

Money Can’t Buy It

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washington.eyeOf all the things that bring us the greatest joy in life, none of them are gifts that are purchased. Instead, they are gifts that come from the heart. They can be given or received. They cannot be bought.

Every year, beginning in late November, people begin purchasing items for holiday gift giving. Often within a few days after the presents have been opened, they become one of many material possessions, tucked away on a shelf, in a drawer, in a cupboard or a closet. The gifts that bring the most lasting joy are those that don’t cost a penny.

Consider the gifts that you can give to others every day:

A smile.

A kind word.

A thank you.

A helping hand.

Recognition for a job well done.

A story.

A shared memory.

A laugh.

A loving embrace.

A hug.

A positive attitude.

Not one of these costs a thing yet each delivers endless riches. What could you do to bring more value to conversations, exchanges or chance encounters this holiday season? How can you keep it going into the New Year? Every day?

Don’t just stand there…do something. If you see an older person struggling to open a door, come to the rescue. If someone drops a glove as she walks down the street, take it to her. If you see someone sitting alone at a gathering, go over and introduce yourself. Invest some time in giving to others. You just might make someone else’s day.

How to Build Your Fan Base, Adele Style

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nbc.com

nbc.com

Singer/songwriter and Grammy Award winner Adele returned to the stage at New York City’s Radio City Music Hall to perform in front of a live audience after nearly a three-year hiatus. (The pre-recorded event aired on NBC on December 14). The moment the curtain rose, adoring fans cheered her return. Decked out from head to toe in a sparkly full-length gown and crowned with a stunning retro up do, Adele didn’t disappoint. She started her first song, Hello, slowly, softly, then rising to her signature high notes with abandon.

When she finished the first song, something refreshing happened: She made a goofy face, one that fully described what she was feeling emotionally (“Thank God I made it through that first song!”). It was genuine and spontaneous. The audience loved her honesty.

It got me thinking. Could you stand in front of your peers if you had been out of the picture for almost three years? Pick up right where you left off? Never miss a beat? She was nervous, to be sure, as she performed in front of 6,000 fans in person and millions of television viewers. She pushed through each perfectly performed song.

You may not think often enough about who is on your side, your advocates and supporters, allies and angels…people who love you, adore you, want to see you succeed, stand on the sidelines and cheer for you when you need it the most. Your fan base is right there, today, in front of you, all around you. Take a moment to see who those people are and be grateful.

Watching and listening to Adele’s performance drove home an important message for all professionals: You can build your fan base too. Here are some lessons I learned from Adele:

Be authentic. Adele is real. When she sings, you can feel her emotional connection to the song. She doesn’t just sing the lyrics; she feels her lived experiences.

Create a compelling style. Adele doesn’t make excuses for her style. She embraces it. She loves who she is. Retro style suits her to a tee.

Be honest. Adele told the audience how nervous she was, how her life has changed since she recorded specific songs filled with longing and pain. She kicked off her shoes when her feet hurt. The NBC network even had to bleep her a few times. The audience appreciated her openness.

Deliver. Clearly, Adele delivers her best to the audience. She doesn’t just show up, sing a few songs and go home. She puts her entire being into her work. Fans can tell the difference.

Grow! Fans have watched Adele grow as an artist and mature into adulthood right before their eyes. She came into the music scene in her late teens; she is now 27. She reminds you that true success requires growth and positive change along the way.

Appreciate your fans. “Thank you,” “I love you” were repeated throughout her performance with humility and appreciation. How often do you let your advocates, supporters, allies and angels know how much you appreciate, value and respect them? How do you treat them? How will you stay connected to your fan base?

Whether you like Adele’s music or not, you must admire her genuine love for her fans. She consistently delivers high energy performances and quality albums to her fan base. You can learn a lot by watching her in action.

Note: Adele broke all U.S. album sales records the first week of the release of her latest album “25″ in November, according to Billboard Magazine.

What Jon Stewart Teaches Us About Power Positioning

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Jon Stewart, Comedy Central

Jon Stewart, Comedy Central

When Jon Stewart left Comedy Central’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, people were wondering what he was going to do. The answer is simple: He is doing good. Listen up, professionals, and learn from Stewart, who is using his positioning power to give others a voice.

On the December 7, 2015 Daily Show, host Trevor Noah welcomed back Stewart, who is bravely tackling a serious issue before Congress right now: the fight to continue funding for first responders of the 9/11 tragedy through the James Zadroga Health and Compensation Reauthorization Act. H.R. 1786 “amends the Public Health Service Act to extend the World Trade Center (WTC) Health Program Fund.  Watch the full episode here.

Stewart and a video crew accompanied first responders to Capitol Hill, visiting the offices of senators, most of whom were (conveniently) out, unavailable or in meetings. With every rejection from Senate staff, Stewart pushed on, heading to the next senator’s office, determined to let first responders’ voices be heard. There were no altercations, no harsh words, just a message that needed to be heard. The only leader who took the time to talk with Stewart and first responders was Senator Rob Portman (R-OH), who later signed the act.

For two decades, I have coached professionals on the importance of power positioning. I define power positioning as “The art of putting yourself in a place that you want to be, that maximizes your talents, skills and contacts.” Stewart demonstrated power positioning in action on Capitol Hill. In his Daily Show appearance, he reached millions of loyal Daily Show viewers, encouraging them to contact their senators and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY). He asked them to Tweet using #worstresponders. He recognized that he had the clout and power to raise his voice and raise the collective consciousness of Americans. Political leaders across the country can take pointers from Jon Stewart’s integrity and high level of professionalism. It comes at a time when lives have been shattered and communities are still rebuilding from devastation. It’s time to do the right thing.

All too often, you can easily become passive, detached or uninvolved in the issues of your community, your workplace and the world. The next time you rationalize why you shouldn’t get involved, think again. Your voice could make a difference in someone else’s quality of life.

Thank you, Jon Stewart, for elevating our awareness about this important issue. You continue to be a positive role model for other leaders. You inspire and motivate us all to do a better job of putting other people’s needs ahead of our own.

Birthday Wishes to My Favorite Nonagenarian

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IreneWas.Retro copyToday I raise my glass with heartfelt “Happy Birthday” wishes to my mother, Irene, who is 95. She is an atypical nonagenarian. She continues to inspire me through her active lifestyle and caring nature. Never shy about sharing her thoughts, feelings and opinions, here are a few gems of knowledge that she has passed on to me over the years:

Be curious. My mother’s interest in others and the world around her makes her an engaging conversationalist. She can talk about literature, music, art, theatre, movies, poetry, politics, religion, world affairs, and just about any topic. Through my firsthand experience and observation of her interaction with family members and friends over the years, I have noticed that she is a master at inquiry and conversation.

Make smart choices. At the age of 19, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, my mother offered me an important piece of advice: “The world isn’t going to show up on your door step. You have to go out and meet the world!” In her words, she was telling me that in life you can choose to either be passive or active. The active approach ensures greater control and delivers better results than sitting and waiting for things to happen.

Serve others. One of my mom’s favorite comments is “When you care, you’re there.” Throughout her life, she has attended every shower, wedding, calling hours, funeral, memorial service, birthday, anniversary or celebration that she was invited to. She has made and delivered food, crocheted baby blankets and given gifts. It doesn’t matter if the recipient is a close family member or friend of a friend of a friend. If there’s a connection, she is there. This simple advice can have profound impact on other people’s lives.

Remain active. Each of us experiences diminishing physical, mental or emotional energy as we age. There are days when my mother will completely surprise me with her deep sense of determination. “Well, I couldn’t sleep, so I got up at 4:00 a.m. and baked an apple crisp, then I went back to bed at 6:30.” What?? I’m decades younger than she is and I have never done that. (And quite frankly I’m not sure if I ever will).

Irene-LifeSaver1930sDo what you love. My mom worked as a Life Savers girl in the 1930s. As a naturally gifted singer, she served as church organist and choir director. She taught in the parochial schools, then moved into the public schools. My mom received her first Bachelor of Arts degree in elementary education at the age of 47 and her second B.A. in Painting at the “young” age of 80. She says that in every step of the way, she was called to do what she did in her work. She loved both music and teaching. As a retiree, she continues her love of gardening and painting. Lessons like these are around us every day. You just have to pay attention.

The next time you’re feeling down or uninspired, think of the words that guide my mom through moments like that every day: “This too shall pass.” Take a deep breath, be grateful for who you are and what you have accomplished in life, and carry on. Who knows? You may be privileged someday to be a nonagenarian and inspire others.

Bring Thanksgiving Into the Workplace

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CardOnce a year, we Americans come together with our family or friends to give thanks. While the deeper meaning often gets trumped by delicious food and wine, Thanksgiving provides us with one day to relax and enjoy ourselves. What if the anticipation, laughter, enjoyment and camaraderie that we find with family or friends could be experienced at work? Imagine how different the workplace would be. It might look something like this…we would:

  • Look forward to going into work every day
  • Greet co-workers with joy
  • Enjoy stimulating conversations
  • Share stories and memories
  • Laugh until our sides hurt
  • When we felt tired or cranky, we would take a nap and wake up refreshed, ready for more food and conversation!

This is an extreme picture, yet there are threads in each of these behaviors that can be done on a daily basis. What if you arrived at work every day truly thankful for your job? What it has taught you? The income it provides to you? What it allows you to do in life?

My father spent his entire “career” – more than 40 years – working in a steel mill when steel was king in America. He started work at the age of 17, before the mills were organized through the United Steel Workers of America (USW). It was hard, physical work. Even when he experienced the occasional migraine headache, he never complained or missed work. He worked hard, saved his money, and was a good provider to our family of six.

Living through the Great Depression, he knew the value of having a job, being able to buy a home, a car, food for our family and even car vacations touring America. He took his thanks to the mill every working day, remaining positive until the day he retired.

On Thanksgiving Day, he would feast like a king. He looked forward to being with family, enjoying a full plate of food (and sometimes seconds), laughing, telling stories, and even taking a nap when needed.

As you enjoy Thanksgiving dinner and other activities, think of how you can bring that same contentment, happiness and thanks giving into your workplace. What a gift you would give to co-workers if you expressed your thanks on the job every day. Yes, it would be a very different world if we all did that.

A Simple, Powerful Statement

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philosophyDecades ago when I tried to wrap my young mind around Philosophy 101, I struggled to understand its inherent polarities, complexities and of course the never-ending string of thought-provoking questions asked by my professor. At 19, I saw the sky as the sky and that was it. I hadn’t yet explored why the sky existed, how far it extended or if a parallel universe existed. Over the years, I have continued my fascination with the field of philosophy and the brilliant minds who have explored – and continue to explore –  inquiry, knowledge and thought.

In recent years, I have enjoyed the various 21-day meditation series created and hosted by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. They often include the Sanskrit Mantra “So Hum,”  which simply means “I am.”

Such a simple statement, yet within it lies a vast terrain for contemplation and exploration.

In my professional presentations, I often begin with an engaging kick-off activity that asks audience members to think of a word or phrase that best describes who they think they are. Then I ask them to pair up with another person in the room to describe each other with just one word or phrase, always in writing, never spoken. They do several rounds of this, with different partners, before revealing to each other how other people described them. The activity has the same result: Surprise and delight. People come away from the activity feeling validated. Often their perception of self comes close to what other people perceived. Once in a while there are some differences. The activity drives home the point that perception and reality are not always exactly the same.

People’s responses to this activity reinforce the notion that we are conditioned to believe that we must be validated by others to feel whole and complete. The human brain is designed to “name” and categorize every living being, object or experience. We create and attach labels to every thought and the brain stores that information for future retrieval (if retrieved at all).

While this activity has positive, consistent results, it reminds me that when we are truly whole and complete, there is no need to fill in the blank. We are enough as is. We simply say with immense satisfaction and fulfillment, “I am.”

Are you?

Social Change Begins With Open Dialogue

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intercultural-communication-2There is a constant thread running through the daily news feed: The need for honest, open, respectful dialogue to create true social change. Whether it is a single altercation with the law or a community demonstration, too many lives are being ended abruptly and unnecessarily because what could have been a normal conversation escalated into shouts and shots.

On October 17, something miraculous happened outside the Noor Islamic Cultural Center in Columbus, Ohio: Open dialogue.

A sole Christian protester (named Annie) came to the Cultural Center prepared to protest against the Islamic faith. Instead of provoking Annie, Antioch University religious scholar Micah David Naziri engaged in open dialogue. It began with a few simple questions and comments. The near 50-minute conversation, captured on videotape, was civil and peaceful. Although the two disagreed on principles and beliefs, they were able to remain engaged in a cooperative manner during the entire discussion. One Muslim, Cynthia DeBoutinkhar, approached Annie and gave her a hug. She posted her experience on Facebook. A small group of the Cultural Center’s membership walked Annie to the mosque to continue the conversation.

Social change begins with face-to-face dialogue that is respectful, non-judgmental and non-confrontational. Building on a one-on-one dialogue, we can also create a broader, open community engagement.

There is much to be learned about respectful communication and understanding. It begins with educating ourselves. While we speak up for what we believe in, we must also treat others with dignity and respect – even those whose opinions are opposite ours. We must first open up our own thinking before we can engage in open dialogue. Instead of setting aside differences, bring them into the dialogue for closer examination, understanding and resolution. Whether in your home, office or community, you possess the power to engage in a conversation that leads to greater understanding. To expand your thinking, consider these resources:

The Facebook page for Do One Thing for Diversity and Inclusion, a collaborative effort between UNESCO and the UN Alliance of Civilizations

The American Library Association’s Community Conversation Workbook, if you want to coordinate a community conversation

The Plum Village Conflict Resolution Guide, incorporating in its foundation both mindfulness and loving kindness

Beyond religious differences, we encounter many differences in our everyday life. Our behavior informs how we view and respond to those differences. These resources, above, provide unique perspectives on how we can see the world more holistically.

In Life, Take the Long Way Around

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BlackRockSunsetIt was a bone-chilling Halloween night, leaving our legs and fingertips tingling from the cold. My friend Linda, my older sister Marianne and I were making our way back home, three long blocks away, after filling our sacks with candy. Linda complained that her thighs were numb, so we had a brilliant idea. “Let’s cut through.” We knew we would save time by cutting through people’s property, even though we knew it wasn’t socially acceptable. And so the cut-through began. First Dennison, then Lexington, then our street, Northfield. Just three blocks. We picked up our pace. Our short steps turned into long jogs.

I was quite proud of my sweets stash. My new orange plastic pumpkin with the black handle was chock full of candies and goodies. I knocked on a lot of doors to earn that candy. I couldn’t wait to get home to show my parents.

From the darkness between Lexington and Northfield came two masked teenage boys, much taller than us, running, shouting “A-r-r-r-r-r-r” and grabbing at our goodies. I fell down, and so did my teeming pumpkin, spilling some contents on the ground. I was so startled, I didn’t even stop to retrieve my lost candy. The three of us ran as fast as we could to Northfield. We stopped to catch our breath only when our feet touched the sidewalk. That experience left such an indelible impression on my young eight-year-old mind that I vowed never to cut through people’s property ever again. (The impression, of course, was reinforced by my parents when my sister and I told them what happened).

The experience taught me an important life lesson: When you think of taking short cuts, don’t. Take the long way around. In the end, you will be safe (or even sane) and further ahead in the process.

How often does that little voice inside of you say “Oh, just put in the basic information. No one will know the difference.” Taking the time to think something through, do the extra research or write a content-rich report is worth it in the end. Next time you’re tempted to take that shortcut, take the long way around instead.

What Do You Believe?

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beliefAs my husband and I sat, waiting for a free community concert to begin, the woman sitting in front of us asked her friend, “Where’s your mother?” The woman replied, “She didn’t want to come because this concert is being held in a Catholic church.” (Both women were Jewish).

The concerts for the community-based orchestra are indeed held in a variety of religious venues throughout the year. This concert just happened to be performed in a Catholic church.

How sad, I thought to myself, that in our modern society today people are still so “old school.” Then I realized this woman’s mother was from the Traditionalist generation and remained loyal to her strong religious beliefs. She did not feel comfortable in a church. While I respect her belief and choice, her belief was standing in the way of her enjoying a magnificent free concert with an internationally acclaimed young violinist. Did I mention the concert was free?

This week, Oprah Winfrey is hosting a series on Belief on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. The series examines the broad topic of belief, including religious belief, and reminds us that we all carry with us different beliefs, and we have the right to do that. The series opens up your thinking about what people believe and what motivates or inspires them to believe.

I realized that my opinion about the Jewish mother not attending the concert was based on my own beliefs. In this case, I tapped into my belief that every person should have access to the arts. The mother definitely had access. I also believe that human beings have free will. Now we’re getting somewhere. The mother’s choice – based on her beliefs – made more sense to me. I was less judgmental of her decision.

It got me thinking: How often do our strong beliefs stand in the way of innovative thinking or creative expression? What do we lose in the process? How does our lifestyle support our beliefs? What do we gain?