Author Archives: admin

How Do People Introduce You?

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WordBalloonsWhen was the last time you listened – really listened – to the way people introduce you to others? If you haven’t, then it’s time for you to pay attention. When you see yourself through other people’s eyes, you just may discover something new.

What words to people use to describe you? How do they differentiate you from other persons? Part of my signature style is my favorite perfume, Tea Rose, a light floral fragrance that smells like – you guessed it – fresh roses. Imagine my surprise when one of my colleagues introduced me to a friend of hers by saying, “Christine always smells like flowers.” In truth, if I had to smell like something, a flower is it.

Listen for the word always. People will usually say something like, “Carol is always entertaining us with her hilarious stories” or “Bob is always the life of the party” or “John is always traveling to such interesting places” or “Pat is always reading such interesting books.” There are things about you that even you may not see or hear. Listen to the words that people use to describe you and rediscover your unique personal style.

Discipline Delivers A Voice

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Viking Opera SingerOne year ago this month, I began this new journey called blogging. Prior to that, the word only was captured as an item on my rather large to do list. What brought it to life was discipline. Each week, I have written on a topic that is relevant to today’s professional. I’m still at it today.

Before I began the process, I engaged in a healthy debate with myself, asking questions like, “What are you going to say?” or “What do you have to say that’s different from everyone else?” The answer: Plenty.

During a conversation with my husband a few years ago, he asked the really big question: “What do you really want to do with your life?” I revealed a deep desire by responding, “I want my voice to be heard.” I didn’t know at that time exactly what those words meant. I also didn’t know that blogging would be a way for me to share my voice with the world.

We all have a voice inside of us that wants to be heard. A voice that is different from everyone else’s. A voice that is unique only to us. Our own voice. When we share our voice, we speak from the heart. Our voice can allow others to see our perspective, understand how we feel or open up the conversation. Our voice can be soft and gentle or loud and clear. Our voice can advocate for others or set ourselves free. Our voice can create positive change.

You have a voice. What is it that your voice wants to say? If you were to share your voice, what positive change could occur?

Image by Strauss/Curtis/CORBIS

Is Humility Hip?

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UnknownWith the recent announcement that Pope Francis was honored by Time Magazine as its Person of the Year, it begs the question, Is humility hip?

I doubt that the average person today ponders the meaning of the word humility much, let alone embraces its virtues. Society is more likely to reward materialism, greed, vanity and pride. How refreshing to know that there are still some people in the world today who not only value humility…they live it. The pontiff’s practicing humility demonstrates his concern for the greater good rather than living the good life himself.

Humility is defined as: The state or quality of being humble. Humble is defined as: Having or showing a consciousness of one’s shortcomings; lowly; unpretentious; to lower in condition or rank; to lower in pride; make modest. (Reference: Webster’s New World Dictionary).

Consider how different the world would be if leaders practiced humility. For one thing, they would admit their flaws, their mistakes, their humanity. They would practice transparent communication and eliminate hidden agendas. They would lead by example. They would think of others first. Rather than tell us how great they are, they would recognize and reward greatness in everyone. As a result, we could come together on common ground and work in the spirit of collaboration and cooperation. It would be like a breath of fresh air.

I, for one, support the notion that humility is hip. It would be grand to live in a world where humility is king (or Pope). It begins with self-reflection and one question: How am I practicing humility in my life?

Who Inspires You?

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Elderly Woman Smiling Wearing a Swimming Cap in a Swimming PoolWhether it’s someone you have known for years, someone you have just met or someone you have never met yet admired from afar, there are people who come into your life and inspire you. Who inspires you? What does that person inspire you to do or be?

It happened to me this past week. I returned to our local recreation center to begin exercising again. (I usually take a break in the warmer months because outdoor activities like bicycling, walking and gardening take the place of indoor exercise). I walked into our circuit exercise room and said hello to a woman who I had not seen in nearly six months. It didn’t take me long to realize that she had lost a lot of weight. “Wow. You look great. You’ve lost some weight,” I said. “Yes…I’ve lost 79 pounds total. It’s almost the weight of another person!” she replied. “I’ve had to replace my entire wardrobe. My daughter says she remembers me being this size when she was growing up. That was a few decades ago.” Diane started her fitness journey 11 months ago. She comes to the recreation center just about every day, works the circuit room and walks three miles. She also eats right. And…she is in her 70s. She has succeeded because she has a goal and the discipline to reach that goal.

I continued my workout, going from machine to machine, lifting, shifting, stepping and thinking about that five pounds that I have wanted to melt away for years. Five pounds? Are you kidding me? I could lose that in one month…if…I had the discipline. There is nothing stopping me from achieving this small goal. Diane inspired me. I found myself saying, “If Diane could lose 79 pounds, I could certainly lose 5.”

Consider all the people who have inspired you and who continue to inspire you in your life. Then ask yourself, “How can I inspire others?” And ask a much bigger question, “How can I inspire myself?”

Nelson Mandela: Mentor to the World

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MandelaCroppedThere is not a more fitting capstone to this series on mentoring than ending with a tribute to Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa and Nobel Peace Prize recipient, a man who was — and remains — a mentor to the world.

Qualities: Nelson Mandela possessed many endearing qualities. As a humanitarian and peacemaker, he gave a voice to human rights and demonstrated the capacity of the human spirit. As he fought to end apartheid in South Africa, he united people not only in his country but also around the world. His carefully structured messages were spoken from his lived experience and the heart. As he advocated for social justice, freedom and equality, his actions and intellect positioned him as a powerful world leader. Even in his later years, Nelson Mandela founded The Elders, a group of seasoned global leaders, to work together on human rights issues and world peace.

Quotes:

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

“Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front.”

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

“Courage is not the absence of fear — it is inspiring others to move beyond it.”

“There is no passion to be found playing small — in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

Questions: Reviewing Nelson Mandela’s purpose-driven life, I am inspired to pose several questions for all of us to consider as we move our lives forward in a more purposeful way:

What voice lies dormant within me that needs to come out? On whose behalf can I speak or serve as an advocate?

How can I treat others with greater dignity and respect?

What contributions can I make to my community, my country or the world? To enhance education? To eliminate poverty? To feed the hungry? To model sustainability? To live in peace?

What small changes can I make in my life, every day, to become a more positive role model for others?

What bitterness or negativity can I rise above and begin living my life more fully and wholly? Who do I need to begin building positive relationships with…whether at home or at work?

When you find yourself struggling with a big question, a challenge, or an altercation, ask yourself, “How can the wisdom of Nelson Mandela guide me with courage and grace?”

 

Remain Open With Mentors

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605542_balance_primeFifth in a series.

Learning from someone who has more experience than you do and who can share successes and failures openly is a tremendous gift. The key to getting the most out of a mentoring relationship is your ability to maintain as open a mind and heart as possible. Here are a few tips to help you maximize the experience:

Be honest about what you need. Honesty allows the relationship to be more open and transparent. As the protege, you drive the relationship. When you are honest and open, your mentor will reciprocate. Open conversations are more productive and tailored to your needs.

Don’t be judgmental. Your mentor will share thoughts, ideas, opinions and feelings with you. When you immediately find fault with what your mentor is saying, you are being judgmental or overcritical. In the process, you may miss what is being offered to you. To open your mind and heart, tell yourself, “I am open to what s/he is saying.” That way, you receive information without judging.

Weigh your choices. Your mentor may offer you different solutions or tactics to consider. Use critical thinking skills to weigh those choices carefully. Identify solutions that work best for you. Take time to make important decisions. Ultimately, the choice is only yours.

Expect the unexpected. Your mentor may surprise you with tactics or solutions that might seem off the wall or even odd to you. Be open to them. You may find yourself saying, “I would have never thought of that” or “That’s a different way of approaching this.”

The key to a successful mentoring relationship is remaining open in your mind and heart. In what way can you open your mind and heart to the wisdom and advice that your mentor is offering to you?

Establish Mentoring Ground Rules

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Businessmen on Sports FieldFourth in a series.

Now that you have chosen your mentor, decided what assistance you will need and identified how to trust and respect your mentor, it is time to establish ground rules. Discuss these topics with your mentor:

  1. Frequency of meetings. Determine how often you will meet…weekly, monthly, quarterly, or as needed.
  2. Length. Discuss how long your mentoring relationship will last. You may need your mentor for just a short time to assist with a specific area of professional growth or for a longer period of time.
  3. Roles. Outline the roles that you and the mentor will play. Are there various hats that your mentor may wear, such as career expert, financial advisor or resume builder?
  4. Confidentiality. It is critical to discuss confidentiality. You must have the assurance of your mentor that all of your conversations are kept between the two of you. Confidentiality builds trust.
  5. Communication. Every person has her/his own preferred method of communication. What is your mentor’s? What is yours? Some people prefer face-to-face while others like telephone conversations. How will you communicate between meetings?
  6. Feedback. The most under-valued component of the communication model is feedback. Not enough people ask for it or give it. Establish mechanisms for feedback, whether you solicit it or it is given to you unsolicited.
  7. Formality. How formal or informal will your relationship be? Will you be meeting at your mentor’s private club for a business lunch, or will you meet for a cup of coffee at a local coffeehouse? Even the most formal of relationships can relax over time once you get to know each other.
  8. Boundaries. Every relationship has boundaries. Since you and your mentor are engaged in a professional relationship, use your best judgment to not overstep those boundaries.
  9. Time. Your mentor’s time is valuable, as is yours. Be respectful of your mentor’s time. Take advantage of every meeting by coming prepared with topics for discussion, potential challenges you are facing and intelligent questions that serve your needs.

What other ground rules would you establish? Discuss them at the beginning, and lay a solid foundation for success in your mentoring relationship .

Trust and Respect Your Mentor

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Reckless personThird in a series.

Every meaningful relationship is built on the foundation of trust and respect. Within a mentoring relationship, you must trust your mentor to provide you with guidance and expert advice, based on his/her professional and personal experiences. Respect her/his opinions and ideas for the same reason, because your mentor has lived through challenges that you may not have yet experienced.

Trust takes time. Invest quality time at the beginning of your relationship to get acquainted with your mentor. It is through inquiry that you will learn about each other. Come prepared to your first meeting with a series of thoughtful questions that open up the dialogue. Be respectful when you ask the questions. Here are a few examples:

  • Who has had a great influence on your life?
  • What are you hoping to get out of our mentoring relationship?
  • What have been some of your greatest challenges in life? How did you overcome them and succeed?
  • At what point in your life did you feel lacking a direction? What did you do to get back on track?
  • What are the best strategic decisions that you have made in your life?

What additional questions would you ask?

Every human being has a story. What is your mentor’s story? Open up the questions beyond just career. To know the whole person, consider that person’s entire lived experience. The more that is revealed to you, the more you will understand. As you begin to understand, you will begin to trust. Building trust begins with honest, open dialogue.

How to Select the Right Mentor

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ResourceWordSecond in a series.

Before you select a mentor, first consider Lesson 2: Decide what assistance you need. This will guide your selection process to find an appropriate mentor. Here are a few examples:

Are you thinking of changing careers? Find someone who has successfully transitioned from one career field to another, whether by choice or necessity. The key: Has this person made the shift easily?

Do you want to start your own business? Look no further than business owners who you already know, or consult the pages of your local business journal to find entrepreneurs who have been successful in their business ventures.

Are you trying to figure out how to climb the corporate ladder? Maneuvering the culture and politics of large organizations requires the guidance of someone who has already survived this feat. Look within or outside your organization.

Do you want to be considered for more high-powered assignments? Pay attention to people you know professionally who are working on large projects with greater responsibilities and who have credibility as a project leader.

Are you interested in getting more involved in the community? Observe who is already contributing to your community’s growth and development through boards, task forces or committees. Review their accomplishments.

Can one mentor help you with more than one of these needs? Absolutely. For instance, if you are interested in elevating your visibility, a mentor could assist you with the last three examples listed above.

When you decide what your need is, it will become clear to you who may be an appropriate mentor for you. Do your research. Interview several potential candidates to see who best fits your needs. You will know when you find the perfect mentor because you will feel the connection from the beginning. Choose wisely. Mentoring relationships can last several months or even years.

How do you begin a mentoring relationship? Ask the person you have selected if s/he would consider being your mentor to help you with your specific needs.

What a Mentor Is and Isn’t

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QuestionMarkWPeople-CroppedThroughout your career, you may find yourself in need of guidance, advice and direction. A mentor can help you expand your thinking and get you where you need to be. Many employers offer in-house mentoring programs, often pairing a senior and junior executive. Some professional organizations offer programs as well. If your company or professional organization does not provide a formal mentoring program, then consider finding a mentor on your own. This person could be someone you admire and respect from your profession or your community. In the coming blog posts, I will share with you my insights on how to benefit from a valuable mentoring relationship.

Before you do anything, you must first understand Lesson 1: Know what a mentor is and is not. 

A mentor is: A mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor who brings specific expertise to the relationship. A mentor is a willing partner who is interested in helping you reach your goals. This person may or may not be from the same profession as you. A mentor serves as a sounding board, someone with whom you can share thoughts, ideas and issues. S/he can also shorten your learning curve and teach you more in less time. A mentor’s common sense helps you weigh your own decisions. A mentor’s time is valuable, so take advantage of that expertise by making every meeting productive.

A mentor is not: A mentor is not a person who tells you what you should or should not do, rather, someone who guides you and serves as a resource. A mentor is not a counselor (someone who is certified to handle specific behavioral issues), so don’t use her/him to dump on. Don’t focus all of your energy on negative problems (what is wrong). Instead, turn your energy to positive outcomes (what is possible). A mentor is not someone who can “automatically” advance your career. That, as you know, requires time and effort. A mentor is not someone who you meet with once or twice; mentoring relationships usually last for many months or even years.

Are you at a point in your career where you could use a mentor?