Author Archives: admin

Embrace the Silence

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MeditatingWhen the world is requiring more of your mind, body and spirit, take a moment to pause in quiet reflection and embrace the silence. It has become the norm to do more with less, to multi-task and juggle a busy life. Set your mind at ease with just 10-20 minutes a day to unplug, relax, breathe and meditate. In doing so, you will have clarity of focus and deeper intention of purpose.

I was first exposed to meditation in graduate school nearly 20 years ago. My “monkey mind” could never quite stop and be still long enough for me to understand the power of meditation. Back then, I thought I had to have a mystical experience during meditation. Since those early days, I have come to realize that simply quieting my mind and allowing it to become still is all that I need.

Currently, I am participating in two free online meditation programs that I would like to share with you. There is still time to register…they began within the past few days. The first, Manifesting True Success, is co-hosted by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. Each year, Deepak and Oprah offer at least one free online 21-day meditation series which is also available for purchase. The second, Meditation for Busy People (don’t you love that title?) features OSHO, a spiritual leader from India, and is offered through the Mentors Channel. The London Sunday Times has identified OSHO as one of the “1000 Makers of the Twentieth Century.”

So the next time you’re engaged in a conversation and someone asks the question, “What’s new with you?” simply say, “I’m learning to meditate” and see where the conversation takes you!

To Have or To Not Have: A Coffee Chat

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coffee-cup-funny-faceSmallIf there is one thing I have learned about the business world today it’s this: People are busy! Their calendars are jammed with meetings, either virtual or in-person. They are being asked to produce more with fewer resources. The bar for performance has been raised into the stratosphere, often accompanied by unrealistic expectations. It begs the question, “How do you use your time each day?”

Time is a precious commodity because there is a finite amount of it available to you. Every person is given 24 hours in one day, 60 minutes in each hour and 60 seconds in each minute. No more. No less. You choose what to do within that given time period every day. Some people handle their time more efficiently than others.

A great time vampire, if you let it be, is the coffee chat. It sounds like a simple request: “Let’s have coffee and chat.” If you are not careful and you don’t qualify the request, that time can quickly turn into this: “Let’s have coffee and chat and spend the entire time talking about me and what I need from you so that I can be more successful in my life.”

Don’t get me wrong. Having coffee with colleagues and chatting about something that is mutually meaningful is time well spent. When someone who you haven’t heard from in 5-10 years wants you to drop everything and have coffee and chat about what he wants to do with his life, then take the time and ask yourself “Is it worthy of me investing my time?”

This is not cold hearted. You are just trying to free up your schedule to do more of the things that you need to do rather than saying “Yes” to every request that comes your way. Here is a foolproof solution to these phantom requests: Have a conversation by phone rather than in person. Not having to drive to a location saves you about an hour round trip. Telephone conversations typically are much shorter than in-person conversations. What could consume two to three hours of your time is neatly reduced to 20-30 minutes. You get what you need, and so does the other person.

The next time someone requests coffee and a chat in person, think about the value of your time. Is it worth two to three hours or 20-30 minutes? The choice is yours.

A Real Pro Uses Good Grammar

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Screen shot 2015-03-02 at 3.49.01 PMOne of the most powerful tools that positions you as a professional is your command of the English language. That includes use of good grammar in all forms of communication. The next time you submit a resume to a prospective employer, give it one last review before submitting it. Grammatical error is a top reason why candidates do not get invited to an interview. Instead, the resume goes right into the round file.

In celebration of National Grammar Day (today), I encourage you to set aside SpellCheck for just today and challenge yourself to read, review, analyze and pick apart what you have written and see if you can find those nasty grammatical errors without the help of modern technology.

To me, the most offensive grammatical error is the misuse of one of the tiniest words in the English language, its (which includes it’s and its’). I just received a news release from a colleague announcing a milestone event. In the first sentence, there it was, plain as day: “…celebrated it’s anniversary…” Like hearing nails on a chalkboard, my body began convulsing at the mere sight of it.

Professionals today, many of whom are college educated, even with advanced degrees, do not (sadly) know the difference among its, it’s and its’. So let me lay it out for you here once and for all.

It’s: As you learned in elementary school, an apostrophe indicates a contraction, like she’s (she is), isn’t (is not). In the case of it’s, this contraction stands for either it is or it has. Therefore, when you read a sentence and insert the words it is or it has and it does not make sense, then it requires no apostrophe because it is not a contraction. Case in point: My colleague’s news release should have read: …celebrated its anniversary.

Its: As stated above, its is a possessive form, showing ownership, not requiring an apostrophe because the meaning would change to what we’ve covered above. Think of other pronouns showing possession that all end in s, like his, hers, yours, ours.

Its’: Well, this is just plain silly. This does not even exist, so stop using it.

As you can see, there are only two correct solutions: it’s or its. It’s that simple!

With my pet grammatical peeve out of the way, consider the interesting twists and turns built into our language that only you, the composer, can control. Do you know the difference? They’re or their or there. Read or red. Hear or here. Make sure you’re (not your) selecting the correct word or your (not you’re) level of professionalism may slip a few notches. A misplaced apostrophe may seem small, yet it can have huge impact, like not getting a chance to interview for that job you really wanted. Imagine that.

Oscar Gets a Voice

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For one day each year the world watches the Academy Awards televised broadcast (and streaming video) with great anticipation. Who will stroll down the red carpet? What divine designs will women wear? What will the Oscar winners say during their acceptance speeches?

This year I was pleasantly surprised that several celebrities colored outside the lines a bit and delivered thoughtful, heartfelt acceptance speeches. In years past, I often marveled at the speech-less-ness of award recipients who inserted awkward uh’s, um’s, you know’s, and oh’s as they stumbled through the most important speech they would ever make. Not this year. Instead of the ordinary, “I would like to thank my agent, and I would like to thank my director, and I would like to thank my fellow cast members…”, the messages were clear and thought provoking. Here are my top picks, in no particular order:

Patricia Arquette (Best Supporting Actress, Boyhood): Arquette used her limited time on the platform to espouse equal pay. Even Meryl Streep shouted a resounding “Yes!!” from her front-row seat.

Common and John Legend (Best Song, Glory, Selma): Co-writers and performers Common and Legend reminded us that 50 years after the historic walk in Selma, our country and the world still struggles with racial injustice and inequality. Their words encouraged us to reflect on what we can do as individuals to continue the fight.

Julianne Moore (Best Actress, Still Alice): My mother-in-law, who passed away in 2013, had Alzheimer’s, so I was pleased to hear Julianne Moore use some of her acceptance speech to educate the audience about the disease.

J.K. Simmons (Best Supporting Actor, Whiplash): Simmons urged viewers around the world to call their mom or dad if they are fortunate enough to still have them on this Earth. I love calling my 94-year-old mom. My dad? I talk to him too and have been reunited with him several times in my dreams.

Graham Moore (Best Screenplay Adaptation, The Imitation Game): Moore spoke openly about his attempt at age 16 to commit suicide. That took courage. He encouraged the audience to celebrate what makes anyone unique and to be more open minded in trying to understand others who are different.

AskHerMoreInstagramSmallReese Witherspoon: Although her work in Wild did not earn her an Oscar, her voice was heard more from the red carpet and social media than from the stage. Witherspoon posted an Instagram supporting #AskHerMore, part of The Representation Project started last year by Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls. The Instagram encouraged red carpet interviewers to ask deeper questions than just “Who are you wearing?”

Watching the Academy Awards got me thinking: If you were standing on a platform that could reach millions of people around the world, what powerful message – of hope or change – would you choose to share with your audience?

Is It Any Wonder, Stevie?

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StevieWonderIs it any wonder that a blind man can show others how to open their eyes and see the world with compassion, joy and love? Acclaimed songwriter, singer and 22-time Grammy Award winner Stevie Wonder was honored recently for his musical genius spanning more than five decades. His messages of acceptance, understanding and love have taught generations to face inequality, injustice and indignity with unified strength and grace.

His honest interpretation of the world as he saw it encouraged people of color to stand up and let their voices be heard. To the audience of privilege and perfection, he exposed them to the reality of life in the city for the poor, the forgotten and the invisible. His music range, as a solo artist, is unparalleled. He wrote openly of indifference. He wrote of political action and justice. He wrote so eloquently of love, birth and renewal. He wrote songs of hope, light and possibilities.

I remember watching “Little Stevie Wonder” perform Fingertips on the Ed Sullivan Show when I was growing up. His passion for the music, his gyrations to the crisp notes flying from his harmonica made me stop and notice. He was just two years older than me, and already a force to be reckoned with. Nothing stopped him from sharing his musical messages with the masses. He remains one of the most beloved artists – and greatest crossover artists – of all time.

My husband, Mark, and I have shared a love of Stevie Wonder’s music over the decades of our relationship. To this day, Ribbon in the Sky remains my all-time favorite. Mark’s favorite (and he requests it at every event we attend that has a DJ) is Superstition. When we finished watching the CBS-TV broadcast on Monday night, I turned to Mark and said, “We need to play Stevie Wonder’s music more often!” He nodded in agreement.

There are so many lessons we can learn from Stevie Wonder. For me, the greatest lesson he has demonstrated: Lead by example. He is a man who has remained authentic throughout his entire life. He has shared his vision of a peaceful planet with millions of people around the world. He remains an inspiration to us all and a cherished national – and international – treasure. Rock on, Stevie!

 

Write a Love Note, Adult Style

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AValentineGirlOpenjpg004The biggest “love day” celebration comes on Valentine’s Day – February 14 – each year, when people remember the people they love and admire the most by offering a card, a call, chocolates, dinner or a gift.

When I was in elementary school, beginning the first week of February, each student would bring in a shoe box, decorated as a repository for classmates’ valentines professing their love (or like) to you. Even the kids who nobody liked received and gave valentines as a sign of unity. With some glue and scissors in hand, I would cut multiple hearts out of red construction paper and add a few of my mom’s paper doilies, add my name – Christine – in big letters (in crayon, of course), and proudly display it at the back of the classroom with the others students’ boxes. Of course I hoped that mine would stand out so my classmates would simply have to put a valentine in my decorated box. The memory is vivid because it was the one time of the year when appreciation was shown through giving and receiving.

In my workshops, people often tell me how much it means to them to receive recognition. “All I want to know is if I’m doing a good job.” “I would like to receive some feedback more often than just during my annual performance review.” Words cost less than valentines. Words cost nothing, yet they can bring such joy and delight when they are sent with love, kindness and good intention.

AValentineGirlClosedjpg003I purchased this adorable valentine at an antique store years ago and recently rediscovered it while cleaning out some drawers. It got me thinking that we need to share our love, appreciation and gratitude with people who mean the most to us more than just once a year. Imagine how different your life would be if you brought the spirit of Valentine’s Day into your daily activities.

Who in your life would you like to give a valentine to? That valentine can come in any form: A written letter, a card, a brief phone call or even an email or text message. Whether it is love or gratitude that you want to acknowledge, appreciation or a thank you for a kind gesture, take the time to do it. People in your life will truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Invite an Outsider In

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openhand“Get outside your comfort zone.” “Push the envelope.” “Be more.”

You have been in conversations or meetings where statements like these were made, reminding you to shake off any complacency. When you apply these commands to your interaction with people, your mindset (hopefully) shifts.

In her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, author Susan Cain reminds us that not every person is socially outgoing. She points out that introverts, while quiet and contemplative, have a lot to contribute. They just may need to be invited into the conversation.

Introverts can often feel like outsiders, especially in a room full of extraverts. Whether you are an introvert or an extravert, take a moment to observe the behavior of your co-workers and clients. Does that person need encouragement or a nudge to share their thoughts and opinions? It could be you who invites that outsider into the conversation. The result could be uncovering some brilliant ideas. It begins with some simple questions:

What are your thoughts about…?

I would like to hear your opinions about…?

Your comments are valuable to me. What information can you share about…?

Initiate a conversation with the other person. If you would like to hear more about a certain topic, simply say, “Tell me more about that” or “Could you explain that to me a little further?”

As you scan the room at an event or a meeting, look for the person who sits on the sidelines, against a wall rather than at the table. Extend an invitation to sit at the table. Open up the space for that person to share her/his voice. Sometimes you need to gently pull someone along with you.

If you are that introvert, challenge yourself to make small changes in your interactions with other people. Those small changes over time will give you the confidence to be more open with your ideas, thoughts and opinions. An example: If you have an idea that is worth sharing, write it on your To Do List to bring it up at the next meeting. Once you get into the habit, you will feel more comfortable with other people and yes, even the extraverts.

An Apology? How Refreshing

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Alex Q. Arbuckle, Mashable

Alex Q. Arbuckle, Mashable

In a world where apologies are rare, let alone public, an apology of epic proportion was issued late Monday night that deserves mention and celebration.

Gary Szatkowski, chief of the National Weather Service office serving Mount Holly, New Jersey and Philadelphia, publicly apologized on Twitter for predicting a larger than actual storm in the New York City area along with neighboring New Jersey and Philadelphia. New York City received about a half foot of snow rather than the two feet that were forecast. While some people may have felt inconvenienced by the city subway being shut down by Mayor Bill de Blasio, we all make mistakes. How great that an apology was issued. There are lessons to learn here.

It’s better to be safe than sorry. Millions of New Yorkers remained safe and at home on Tuesday night with full refrigerators and bottled water in their pantries. Now they don’t have to shop for a week. Now that’s a rare thing in New York City.

Life is about choices. Choosing the European precipitation forecast map over the American forecast map was the choice that was made. In this case, using the European map overestimated the actual snowfall. This happens in our lives every day.

The apology came through Twitter. There was no need to call a news conference to make the apology. Szatkowski knew that Twitter would be the fastest and most public way to get an apology out to the public and key decision makers. Brilliant thinking on his part and a reminder of the power of social media. The public became engaged in the conversation.

People are cool with forgiveness. Social media was all abuzz about this top news story. People began Tweeting their remarks to Szatkowski and the news media about how cool it was to even get an apology, let alone use social media to do it.

Life goes on. Yesterday, New Yorkers and other East Coasters returned to their normal routine. What this event left behind was an epic story to be shared with generations to come. Think of it, sitting around the dinner table some snowy night in 2050, telling your grandchildren…”Then there was the time when Grandma had to actually cook dinner for Grandpa instead of getting a takeaway at the corner deli…”

Now with Boston, well, that’s another story…that you can follow on Twitter @StormBoston.

 

Conversation Leads to Understanding

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PathSmall

People are in great need today of connecting through conversation. Understanding – and healing – comes through honest, open dialogue.

More than a decade ago, I read an article in Utne Reader about a group called the Conversation Cafe that was looking for people who were interested in hosting conversations in cities and towns across America.

I began hosting a monthly Conversation Cafe on various topics and soon realized that people were craving connection through meaningful dialogue. As facilitator, it is my responsibility to keep the conversation focused and moving. The simple Conversation Cafe model works. What makes this model different is that it uses a talking object, a simple item that is passed from person to person. The person with the talking object in hand has the floor. No one can interrupt that person while speaking. The facilitator can ask clarifying questions.

What makes the Conversation Cafe unique is its agreements. All participants agree to follow the protocol. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could use agreements like this in our workplace or home conversations?

  • Open-mindedness: Listen to and respect all points of view.
  • Acceptance: Suspend judgment as best you can.
  • Curiosity: Seek to understand rather than persuade.
  • Discovery: Question assumptions, look for new insights.
  • Sincerity: Speak from your heart and personal experience.
  • Brevity: Go for honesty and depth but don’t go on and on.

Conversations include a four-step process that helps the group to better understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. During the final round, I close the conversation by asking the question, “What are you taking away from our conversation?” Participants’ comments usually include how glad they were that they came, how much they learned, how they enjoyed hearing other people’s thoughts, ideas or perspectives, or how they will challenge their thinking on the subject. Often, participants transform their thinking on the topic.

Today, the Conversation Cafe model is hosted in seven countries. Eleven states in the United States host Cafes. If you are interested in starting a Conversation Cafe in your corner of the world, visit the Conversation Cafe website.

Companies, organizations, groups, cities, states and countries can benefit from using the Conversation Cafe model to open up dialogue. By listening to each other’s voices in a respectful way, we will be better able to understand each other.

All positive change begins with open dialogue.

OH-IO: A Lesson in Responsibility

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Cardale Jones Photo: Getty Images

The story – and media clips – of the College Football Playoff National Championship game between The Ohio State University Buckeyes and the University of Oregon Ducks will go down in history as teaching top lessons about the power of positive thinking, team building, leadership and responsibility. It’s this last topic, responsibility, that deserves attention.

If you were in the shoes of Cardale Jones, the Buckeyes’ third string quarterback, would you be able to rise to the occasion as he did? How often in your career have you been asked to fill in for someone else who was originally assigned to lead a project team, deliver a conference presentation or meet with a big client? Each time you were chosen as a substitute, you faced a challenge: Do I shirk responsibility (“I can’t do this…I’m not qualified”) or claim responsibility (“I can – and will – deliver”)? Cardale Jones claimed responsibility and with that came victory.

Third string means there were two other quarterbacks ahead of Jones in the line-up. When the lead quarterback was injured, that moved Jones into second position. When that lead quarterback was injured, that moved Jones into the lead QB position. In this lead role for just a few weeks, Cardale Jones led the Buckeyes’ victory over the University of Alabama Crimson Tide in the Sugar Bowl. Two weeks later, Jones again led the Buckeyes into victory over the Ducks with a 42-20 win, clenching the national championship title.

WOW. Congratulations to QB Cardale Jones, running back Ezekiel Elliott, coach Urban Meyer and the entire Buckeyes franchise for winning the national championship. If the media buzz is any indication, this success story will be told and retold for many years to come in schools, community centers and meeting rooms to inspire and motivate people to do their best.

The take away from this historical event: Anything is possible when you align leadership, team and talent with dedication, drive and responsibility. May we all be more responsible in our lives and in the work we do.