Tag Archives: Communication

An Apology? How Refreshing

Posted on by
Alex Q. Arbuckle, Mashable

Alex Q. Arbuckle, Mashable

In a world where apologies are rare, let alone public, an apology of epic proportion was issued late Monday night that deserves mention and celebration.

Gary Szatkowski, chief of the National Weather Service office serving Mount Holly, New Jersey and Philadelphia, publicly apologized on Twitter for predicting a larger than actual storm in the New York City area along with neighboring New Jersey and Philadelphia. New York City received about a half foot of snow rather than the two feet that were forecast. While some people may have felt inconvenienced by the city subway being shut down by Mayor Bill de Blasio, we all make mistakes. How great that an apology was issued. There are lessons to learn here.

It’s better to be safe than sorry. Millions of New Yorkers remained safe and at home on Tuesday night with full refrigerators and bottled water in their pantries. Now they don’t have to shop for a week. Now that’s a rare thing in New York City.

Life is about choices. Choosing the European precipitation forecast map over the American forecast map was the choice that was made. In this case, using the European map overestimated the actual snowfall. This happens in our lives every day.

The apology came through Twitter. There was no need to call a news conference to make the apology. Szatkowski knew that Twitter would be the fastest and most public way to get an apology out to the public and key decision makers. Brilliant thinking on his part and a reminder of the power of social media. The public became engaged in the conversation.

People are cool with forgiveness. Social media was all abuzz about this top news story. People began Tweeting their remarks to Szatkowski and the news media about how cool it was to even get an apology, let alone use social media to do it.

Life goes on. Yesterday, New Yorkers and other East Coasters returned to their normal routine. What this event left behind was an epic story to be shared with generations to come. Think of it, sitting around the dinner table some snowy night in 2050, telling your grandchildren…”Then there was the time when Grandma had to actually cook dinner for Grandpa instead of getting a takeaway at the corner deli…”

Now with Boston, well, that’s another story…that you can follow on Twitter @StormBoston.

 

Conversation Leads to Understanding

Posted on by

PathSmall

People are in great need today of connecting through conversation. Understanding – and healing – comes through honest, open dialogue.

More than a decade ago, I read an article in Utne Reader about a group called the Conversation Cafe that was looking for people who were interested in hosting conversations in cities and towns across America.

I began hosting a monthly Conversation Cafe on various topics and soon realized that people were craving connection through meaningful dialogue. As facilitator, it is my responsibility to keep the conversation focused and moving. The simple Conversation Cafe model works. What makes this model different is that it uses a talking object, a simple item that is passed from person to person. The person with the talking object in hand has the floor. No one can interrupt that person while speaking. The facilitator can ask clarifying questions.

What makes the Conversation Cafe unique is its agreements. All participants agree to follow the protocol. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could use agreements like this in our workplace or home conversations?

  • Open-mindedness: Listen to and respect all points of view.
  • Acceptance: Suspend judgment as best you can.
  • Curiosity: Seek to understand rather than persuade.
  • Discovery: Question assumptions, look for new insights.
  • Sincerity: Speak from your heart and personal experience.
  • Brevity: Go for honesty and depth but don’t go on and on.

Conversations include a four-step process that helps the group to better understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. During the final round, I close the conversation by asking the question, “What are you taking away from our conversation?” Participants’ comments usually include how glad they were that they came, how much they learned, how they enjoyed hearing other people’s thoughts, ideas or perspectives, or how they will challenge their thinking on the subject. Often, participants transform their thinking on the topic.

Today, the Conversation Cafe model is hosted in seven countries. Eleven states in the United States host Cafes. If you are interested in starting a Conversation Cafe in your corner of the world, visit the Conversation Cafe website.

Companies, organizations, groups, cities, states and countries can benefit from using the Conversation Cafe model to open up dialogue. By listening to each other’s voices in a respectful way, we will be better able to understand each other.

All positive change begins with open dialogue.

A Holiday Guide for Introverts and Extraverts

Posted on by

During the holiday season, you are busy, busy, busy…attending or hosting holiday parties, meeting year-end quotas, buying gifts, volunteering, baking, cooking, and running lots of errands. Depending on your personal style, you are either energized or drained by all of the activity. Here is a simple guide to the holidays for introverts and extraverts.

Extraverts love being with people because they get their energy from others. For extraverts, the more people they meet or visit with, the happier they are. If they go too long without human contact, they feel like they are missing something. During the holidays, extraverts are in their glory, however, they have to be careful not to run out of steam.

Tips for Extraverts:

Get plenty of quality sleep between parties and get-togethers because you can get rundown.

Remember to chew your food and swallow it. You are so energized by others, you may try to talk and eat at the same time. Result: Indigestion. Don’t gulp. Sip. Don’t inhale food. Chew.

Come up for air. Your body needs oxygen to replenish and refresh. Take a moment to simply take a few deep breaths between mixing and mingling.

Introverts, on the other hand, can easily get “peopled out” this time of year. Introverts recharge by finding quality alone time. They would rather sit quietly at home sipping a glass of wine in private than being bombarded by too many outgoing people at parties and events. It requires a lot of energy and mental preparation for introverts to attend party after party.

Tips for Introverts:

Set a time limit. It may be easier for you to attend multiple parties and events if you give yourself a set time. Know how much you can take. Decide to stay for one hour or two. When you’re ready, leave.

Try a new zone. Every event has four distinct meeting zones: Receiving/reception zone, food zone, bar zone and sitting/standing zone. For in-home parties, there’s a fifth zone, and that’s the kitchen (food preparation zone). Instead of heading for that chair, try spending a little time in a different zone. See how it feels. Then try another zone. Movement gives you more freedom and control.

Scan the crowd for other introverts. If being with too many extraverts at the same time overwhelms you, find your tribe by looking for other introverts. They’re easy to spot. They are usually sitting by themselves or are doing less of the talking (because they can’t get in a word with extraverts).

How to handle the “Clash of the Titans.” When introverts and extraverts live together and go to parties and events together, they may experience a battle of the wills. The extravert wants to attend every party and stay all night, and the introvert doesn’t. Find a happy compromise by setting some ground rules before you leave for the event.

How many parties will you attend? (All, some, a few?)

How long will you stay? (A half hour? Hour? The entire evening?)

Will you stay together or separate at the event?

Should you drive to the event together or separately?

When you have a clearer understanding of what your personal style is – extravert or introvert – and respect and honor the person whose style is different from yours, you will get much more out of the holidays. You will have a great time because you are  prepared!

 

Do You Trick or Treat?

Posted on by

TrickOrTreatThat favorite annual holiday – Halloween – is upon us. It got me thinking about how in our everyday lives we are capable of either tricking or treating others. Which do you do?

Trick

Do you trick people into thinking you are someone who you are not? Do you deliberately put on airs and misrepresent yourself to others? It’s time to take a long, hard look at yourself, and understand why you do this. Reveal your true authentic self for others to see.

Do you trick yourself into believing that you are not worthy? When you suffer from The Imposter Syndrome, you trick yourself into thinking that you are not as good as you really are and you are afraid that others will find out you’re not as good as they think you are. It’s time for a reality check and focus on feeling good about yourself and feeling worthy.

Do you trick others by compromising quality or taking short cuts? When you give 100% of yourself and do quality work, you demonstrate your integrity and gain credibility in the process.

Do you serve up tricks by being light hearted and funny? See? Not all tricks are bad. There are good tricks as well. When you can laugh at yourself and help others to laugh too, people will appreciate your sense of humor.

Treat

Do you treat all people equally, with dignity and respect? This simple act makes a big difference in how others see you. The dignity and respect you show to them will come back to you ten-fold.

Do you treat other people like they are more important than you? When you let others shine and support them in their dreams and aspirations, you are putting their needs before yours. It positions you as someone who cares.

How often do you treat others? I mean really treat them? Whether it’s giving a server a slightly bigger tip, giving a gift to someone just because you felt like it, or picking up the tab every once in a while for no reason, you are letting your benevolence shine.

As you participate in the festivities of Halloween this year, think about the “tricks” or “treats” that you are doling out. How can you treat others like they have value?

Audible Sound Speaks Volumes

Posted on by
Gidget+GizmoBertoia

Gidget + Gizmo

A few weeks ago, I took our two cats, Gidget and Gizmo, to a new veterinarian for their shots and grooming. As I described each cat’s personality and disposition to the doctor, I heard an audible sound: “Hmmmmm…” What caught my attention was his tone. It was audible enough for me to hear (loud) and extended (long). It started higher and ended on a low note. “Hmmmmm…” It wasn’t just the sound…it was how it sounded to me. He continued making this sound several times within a matter of minutes. The sound seemed to be made at almost an unconscious rather than conscious level. Translation: I had some concerns. Did I bring my cats to the right vet? Could he help them? Was he reluctant to perform the tasks I was paying him for?

It’s not just what you say…it’s how you say it that conveys attitude and feeling. In his research and 1981 book, Silent Messages, noted communication scholar Albert Mehrabian reported that people convey feelings and attitudes in face-to-face communication through three main components: words, tone of voice and nonverbal behavior (like facial expressions). Mehrabian further described how important it is that your verbal (words) and nonverbal (tone of voice and facial expressions) language are congruent, or aligned, to accurately convey the message you intend. When there is incongruence between the verbal and nonverbal, people will turn to or trust the nonverbal behavior for meaning.

This brings me back to my experience with the vet. His tone conveyed to me messages like “I’m not sure about this.” “I’m a little concerned.” “Let me think this over before we do anything.” Although he didn’t say a word, my interpretation of his underlying message came through his tone of voice, audible exhaling and his facial expressions, like furrowed brows, pursed lips and squinted eyes.

Do a quick self-assessment of your verbal and nonverbal communication to make sure you are sending the right messages:

Are you unconsciously (or consciously) using audible sounds as you convey messages to others?

What message does your tone convey?

Are you sending mixed messages?

Is your verbal and nonverbal language congruent to ensure clear meaning?