Category Archives: Action

A Life Well Lived…and Celebrated

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MatkaValleyLegacyLast week, my 93-year-old mother was included among 24 outstanding seniors and 5 senior advocates honored for exemplary community contributions and lifetime achievements in my hometown area. As each honoree’s name was called, a brief biographical description captured the essence of that person’s interests and passions in both life and career. Every individual being honored was a dedicated volunteer and activist. As I listened with great intensity, I was reminded that we can either choose to remain passive or become actively engaged in the direction and purpose of our life.
The comment made by a retired veteran and amputee who happened to be one of the top five award recipients stuck with me. In a strong New York borough accent, he said, “You just gotta do whatcha gotta do.” This is what his comment means to me:

Do what you want to do. There is a big difference between wanting something and needing something. When you do what you want to do, you are unstoppable. Nothing and no one can stand in the way of your success and achievements.

Believe that you can do it. It didn’t matter whether someone volunteered with children, landscaped a local park or helped to feed the hungry, they all believed that they could contribute their talents and skills to the cause.

Put your best effort into everything you do. None of the honorees struck me as the highly competitive type, who just wanted to rack up points for popularity. Giving their best was ingrained in their DNA. They gave only their best to everything they did, whether at home, at work, or in their community.

Serve others and serve yourself well. There is no greater joy in life than contributing to another person’s well-being and success. Teaching English to a new immigrant or serving meals at the local shelter, no matter what you do, when you do it for others, it makes you feel good about yourself and what you are able to give.

Inspire others. Your actions will do more to inspire others than you could ever imagine. When I left the luncheon, my heart was full, and I was inspired to do more and give more of myself to others.

Fast forward a few decades. Imagine that you are a senior in your 60s, 70s, 80s or even 90s, being honored for your lifetime achievements. What will they say about you? Return to today: What can you give of your talents and skills to others between now and then?

E is for Energize Yourself

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Part 7 in this B-A-L-A-N-C-E Your Life Series.

Cradle of lightHave you ever felt like you could not take one step further, do one more task, because you didn’t have the energy to do it? Part of living a balanced life is knowing when to listen to your body when it is hinting – or screaming – that you need to take a break and recharge yourself.

How you get your energy has a lot to do with your psychological type. The work of noted Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung and later the mother-daughter team Catharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers, co-creators of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) revealed that we humans get our energy in two different ways. Extraverts who are more outgoing and talkative get their energy from other people and being out in the world. In fact, if they go for a day or two without contact with other people, they feel like they are missing something. Conversely, introverts who tend to be more solitary or isolated re-energize themselves by not being around other people as much. Instead, they choose to find a quiet place for reflection, reading, contemplation or meditation. Introverts are the ones who will frequently say “I’m peopled out and I need some peace and quiet.”

What is the source of your energy? How to you re-energize yourself when you are running on empty? You will know if you are an introvert or extravert by identifying where your energy comes from.

For extraverts, when you need to re-energize, you may throw a party, invite a friend or friends to dinner, take a vacation that includes group activities, like taking a cruise or tour. For introverts, when you need to re-energize, you may take a quiet walk on the beach in the early morning, schedule a self-organized retreat or enjoy a relaxing massage (with no conversation from the massotherapist, of course).

I know what you’re thinking. What if… What if the person you live with, work with or are best friends with is the exact opposite of you? This requires meeting each other halfway and finding a mutually acceptable way to co-exist. Extraverts are the true energizer bunnies. They can go on and on forever. They may not understand why an introvert wants to go back to the room to get freshened up or even take a nap. It’s up to you – whether extravert or introvert – to educate your pals, co-workers and co-habitants what you need to feel balanced. In the end, you will feel better and your friends will be glad you opened up the conversation on the topic.

Have you encountered moments in your life when you had to use lots of energy from your reserves? You were moving into a new house (and became “Super Cleaner Person” for the weekend). You assisted a loved one who was going through the loss of a loved one (and you turned into a 24/7 service person, doing everything from cooking and cleaning to consoling and even running errands). When you got through that period of time, you said to yourself in amazement, “How did I do that?” or “I don’t know where that energy came from…I just did it.” When these experiences come into your life, what moves you through that space and time is intentional energy focus. You are focused on making it through that period by doing whatever it takes. You can adopt this mindset and become more intentional about how you are using your energy each day.

How you move your energy affects your sense of well-being. Every living thing possesses energy or “chi” as it’s called in Eastern traditions. Depending on how you are living your life, your energy is either flowing or is blocked. When your energy is flowing, you feel alive, at peace, connected and everything you do feels almost effortless. You’re “in the groove” of life. On the other hand, when your energy is blocked, you can feel out of balance, conflicted, anxious or frustrated. For every step you take forward, you feel like you are taking ten backwards. Nothing in your life has a rhythm or flow to it. When you recognize this, you can focus on unblocking the barriers and get your energy flowing again. A popular way to move energy through the body is through frequent yoga practice. You don’t have to be an advanced yoga practitioner to obtain health benefits from this ancient tradition. Begin as you would any course – as a beginner – and gradually work your way towards proficiency. An excellent source for helpful articles on yoga and energy work is the Yoga Journal. You may also turn to professionals in your area who are certified to do energy work to help you unblock those barriers.

When you encounter obstacles or barriers that interrupt your energy flow, take the time to ask yourself “What do I need to do to re-energize myself?” and “How can I give my mind, body and spirit the energy needed so that I can prolong my sense of well-being?” Listen to your body. It’s always right.

A is for Act

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SnailSpeedPart 2 of this B-A-L-A-N-C-E Your Life series.

One of the best ways to balance your life is to act – take action – when you need to. I add “when you need to” because sometimes it pays to do things now and other times it pays to wait. It’s one of our greatest challenges, deciding when to do things.

When you have a lot going on in your life, you may feel overwhelmed, helpless or even paralyzed. Often when there is too much going on, it is hard for your brain – and your body – to sort out and prioritize things. Here are some thoughts on how to be productive and balanced at the same time:

Decide what is important both long-term and short-term. A long-term goal could be “To finish my college degree.” The key follow-up question is “By what date?” Once you attach a date to the goal, you are committed. If there is no date, the long-term goal then becomes a lifetime goal. “To finish my college degree sometime in my life” is not a targeted goal because it lacks a fixed timeframe. When the goal is stated with focus and purpose, and you break down that goal, anything is achievable. “To finish my college degree in the next 12 months” gives you a specific timeframe to achieve that goal. How many course hours are required to meet graduation criteria? How many hours can you handle managing the other priorities in your life? A short-term goal usually can be accomplished in one day, one weekend, or one week. It could be “To organize my office this weekend.” That can be a huge task, depending on the current condition of your office. You may want to break it down to “To spend four hours cleaning off my desktop (your real desktop, not your computer desktop). When you finish that first task, focus on another task like “To record last month’s expenses.”

Break down large tasks into smaller chunks. This is a tried-and-true time management tip that’s been around for decades and it works just as well today. Large tasks can feel daunting if you give them that power over you. Create a step-by-step process that will work for you. Prioritize. What comes first? Second? After that?

To act or not to act? What a great question! You may choose to read another chapter in a book to clear your mind rather than start that big project. That’s okay. Other times you may prefer diving into that big project over reading a book. It’s up to you. You decide what you need to balance your life.

Reward yourself. It works with adults equally as well as it does with children and pets. Surely there is something special that you consider a real treat. Think of relaxing and enjoying that treat. Then back track and think of what you did to earn the right to enjoy that treat. If you love Cherry Garcia ice cream (double scoop, of course), then picture yourself enjoying that ice cream right after you have finished your goal, like cleaning your office. Graduating from college? Well, that deserves a much bigger reward like a weekend away or an overseas trip.

When you stay ahead of life’s curve balls (they are always coming at you, you know) and act on the most important things first, then you will find time to do the others. It requires discipline, focus and action.

Ask yourself: What have I been putting off that I have really wanted or needed to do that, once complete, would give me the freedom to do other things? When you get into the rhythm of taking action in small bits and rewarding yourself, you will notice that your approach to those tasks will be much more positive.

Go In With the Outcome in Mind

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Chess pieces on chessboardThe best results in life require some planning. Everything from maintaining relationships to facilitating meetings could benefit from some simple advance attention.

If you want to get the most out of a one-on-one meeting, be prepared with a private outline or agenda that keeps you focused. Here are some ground rules for getting the most out of an information-seeking conversation:

  1. Confirm how much time the other person has.
  2. Understand their flexibility; learn if they have a meeting before or after yours.
  3. Tell the person up front what information you need.
  4. Come prepared with specific questions.
  5. Chat for only a few minutes at the beginning to get acquainted on a more personal level.
  6. Discuss important items first, and leave any spare time at the end of your meeting to talk about other personal items.

I learned the hard way about the value of preparation and the importance of directing the conversation a number of years ago. I had invited a colleague to meet for morning coffee to get caught up since we hadn’t seen each other for a while. We spent the first 45 minutes of our conversation talking about our personal lives, news, issues, etc. She looked at her watch with a surprised look and said that she had just ten minutes left before she had to leave and be back at her office for a conference call with a client. Now I was in the awkward position of cramming all of my questions about the topic of my interest into the last ten minutes. That experience taught me an important lesson. When you have a specific topic that you want to discuss, let your intention be known, and discuss it first rather than wasting time on idle chit-chat.

When you meet with someone to discuss a specific topic, remind yourself that you have a limited amount of time to spend. Set up your meeting with clear objectives in mind. Let the other person know in advance what you would like to discuss. If you don’t, the other person may misinterpret your intent. When you meet, remind the other person what you would like to talk about. Casual get-togethers with no agenda are fine too if it’s clear up front that’s how you intend to use the time. You will get more out of meetings and conversations when you prepare yourself – and others – about how you plan to use the time.

Repeat this phrase to yourself as you enter any meeting or one-on-one conversation: Go in with the outcome in mind.

Spring Cleaning is Both Ritual and Metaphor

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Detail of a cherry treeWhen I was growing up, my mother took Spring cleaning very seriously. It was that one time of year when everything, and I mean everything, was cleaned. Walls. Venetian blinds. Floors. Closets. Cupboards. Carpets. It was both a cherished yet dreaded annual ritual. Cherished because it was a symbol of putting the cold, gray days of Winter behind us and opening up the home to the freshness of Spring. Dreaded because what child “loves” to do house work? My tolerance came from knowing that I would receive a slightly larger allowance that week for the extra work performed.

Rituals – like Spring cleaning – get us through life. They serve as milestones of what lies behind and what lies ahead. Another season is ending and another beginning. Another year has passed. When that ritual serves as a metaphor, that’s when it gets really interesting.

The activity and motion of Spring cleaning can be invigorating. Don’t give me that look. Hear me out. When you throw yourself into chores with complete abandon, each completed task leaves you feeling renewed and fresh, just like the home you are cleaning. Apply that action as a metaphor to your life, and see what happens.

What lies hidden in your closets that needs to be cleaned out? Old thoughts? Old beliefs? Longtime grudges? Dust off those cobwebs in your mind. Give your thinking a good scrubbing. Clean up your behavior.

Here’s a great exercise, and it doesn’t even require any real equipment. Imagine seeing a slate in front of you. With your hand, simply wipe that slate clean by making a light sweeping motion. Wipe the slate clean. It’s a fresh start, and an effective visualization tool. Apply it to any part of your life. Now imagine your old ways of thinking that can be swept clean.

With the Winter that we have experienced this year, we are all ready for Spring. What old thinking or behavior can you dismiss and free yourself for better days ahead?

What a Mentor Is and Isn’t

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QuestionMarkWPeople-CroppedThroughout your career, you may find yourself in need of guidance, advice and direction. A mentor can help you expand your thinking and get you where you need to be. Many employers offer in-house mentoring programs, often pairing a senior and junior executive. Some professional organizations offer programs as well. If your company or professional organization does not provide a formal mentoring program, then consider finding a mentor on your own. This person could be someone you admire and respect from your profession or your community. In the coming blog posts, I will share with you my insights on how to benefit from a valuable mentoring relationship.

Before you do anything, you must first understand Lesson 1: Know what a mentor is and is not. 

A mentor is: A mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor who brings specific expertise to the relationship. A mentor is a willing partner who is interested in helping you reach your goals. This person may or may not be from the same profession as you. A mentor serves as a sounding board, someone with whom you can share thoughts, ideas and issues. S/he can also shorten your learning curve and teach you more in less time. A mentor’s common sense helps you weigh your own decisions. A mentor’s time is valuable, so take advantage of that expertise by making every meeting productive.

A mentor is not: A mentor is not a person who tells you what you should or should not do, rather, someone who guides you and serves as a resource. A mentor is not a counselor (someone who is certified to handle specific behavioral issues), so don’t use her/him to dump on. Don’t focus all of your energy on negative problems (what is wrong). Instead, turn your energy to positive outcomes (what is possible). A mentor is not someone who can “automatically” advance your career. That, as you know, requires time and effort. A mentor is not someone who you meet with once or twice; mentoring relationships usually last for many months or even years.

Are you at a point in your career where you could use a mentor?

Use Intuition to Do the Right Thing

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MP900321197As a professional, you make important decisions often – some of them life changing. When you are struggling, your intuition provides a much-needed voice of reason. When you “feel” that something is right, you know you are making the best choice.

Yesterday, a touching story on the national news caught my attention. A group of World War II veterans, mostly aged in their 80s and 90s, traveled to Washington, D. C. to visit the World War II Memorial. When they arrived, a sign on the metal barricades indicated that – because of the government shutdown – the memorial was closed. These spirited veterans were disappointed, of course, for many knew that this might be their final trip to the memorial. Word traveled fast on Capitol Hill. A small group of concerned politicians decided to open the gates. They used their intuition, that voice inside that says “This is the right thing to do.” The Honor Flights, including nearly 150 veterans from Mississippi and Iowa, could now share memories with each other and pay homage to their fallen comrades. For once, I thought, government leaders got it right. They put the needs of others first. The swift decision required collaboration, and it worked.

The next time your gut screams out to you, “Do the right thing,” remember that your intuition knows best. It guides you through some of life’s toughest decisions. When you do the right thing, you will know it and feel it. And who knows? You could make someone’s day.

How to Position Yourself as a Valuable Resource at Work

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MP900439442When you set a strategic goal for yourself to “Become recognized as a valuable resource at work,” here are some potential action steps to take:

  1. Look for opportunities in meetings to openly share your ideas and opinions. Present your ideas in an inclusive, non-threatening manner, using confident (not aggressive) language.
  2. Be known as a subject matter expert. Let others know that you are a resource in your area of expertise, and that you would be happy to share your knowledge with them. Remember, you are a resource (humble), not a know-it-all (egotistical).
  3. Continue learning. Remain current on trends and market changes in your industry and in your field. Share that knowledge with others.
  4. Ask for more experience or more challenging work. If you want more experience or a more challenging work environment, discuss your desire with your boss or supervisor. The next time a large project comes up, who do you think s/he will think of first?
  5. Volunteer to work on more challenging projects. The room usually goes quiet when people ask for volunteers in meetings. A career-changing experience could be waiting for you on the other side of “yes.”
  6. Continue your education with classes or special certifications. The expectation with letters behind your name is this: You know your stuff.
  7. Be the best you can be, and produce consistently good work. You will gain the reputation of being knowledgeable and reliable.
  8. Share new information. When you attend conferences or professional development programs, share some of the highlights of what you learned with your colleagues.
  9. Work with people who will expand your thinking. Work on a team with people whom you admire and respect and who will stretch your thinking.
  10. Know what opportunity looks like when it comes knocking on your door. People’s careers can shift dramatically when they make one important strategic choice along the way. Lead a big project. Serve on a committee or task force. Accept a new position.
  11. Tell yourself, “I am a resource.” Own this title. Embrace it fully. Be proud of what you contribute to the organization.

When your resourcefulness shines, others will be attracted to you. They will recognize how  valuable you are to the organization. Begin today by creating your action plan.

 

Beat Procrastination – Reward Yourself

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HikerFrom the time we are born, we are socially conditioned to operate within a reward system. If we do something good (or correct), we are rewarded. If we do something bad (or wrong), we are either not rewarded or punished. That socialization is ingrained deep within us, and can be used to help us focus on our goals. In this fourth blog post about beating procrastination, we explore how to reward yourself.

Iconic physiologist Ivan Pavlov conducted a small experiment with dogs on salivation and digestion more than a century ago. That project led to the discovery of classical conditioning which, Pavlov concluded, was a learning process that occurred through association of stimuli. Throughout the research project, the dogs became conditioned to behave in a certain way. Even though he himself was not a psychologist, Pavlov’s work has contributed greatly to the field of study that we know today as behavioral psychology.

Just like Pavlov’s dogs, we all need a reward now and then. When it comes to beating procrastination, you can reward yourself for accomplishing great things. You may have written an outstanding report and submitted it early. Or you may have published your first article in a leading industry publication. Or you may have finally completed that huge project and delivered it on time and under budget. What will be the reward for your achievement? Here are a few ideas: A day off. A massage. Tickets to a sporting event or a live performance. A shopping spree. A weekend getaway. That diamond tiara or gold watch you’ve been admiring at Tiffany’s.

How often do you reward yourself? At the end of every week, month, quarter, or save it for a big trip at the end of the year? The choice is yours. Setting up a reward system could be the tool you need to keep you focused and achieving your goals.

Beat Procrastination – Reflect Weekly

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LeafClose-upIt can be challenging to stay focused on your goals. Sometimes you need to get creative to handle the tasks at hand. Try this simple weekly check-in that will make you feel good about your accomplishments and give you a much-needed boost. Each Friday afternoon (or any other time you prefer to organize, review, set goals, etc.), answer two simple questions:

  1. What did you accomplish this week?
  2. What made you feel really good?

Here’s what you will discover: Even during the weeks that you think you didn’t do much or accomplish much, you will realize that you did considerably more than you thought. By taking a few moments to jot down those thoughts, you can close that week feeling great about your progress.

For me, accomplishments can range from the simple to the sublime — receiving an inquiry from a potential client, receiving an email from someone in another part of the world who read and enjoyed one of my articles, or getting a personal note from someone who appreciated one of my professional development seminars. They all made it to my list that week.

Pausing, reflecting and acknowledging that you did a great job will keep you motivated and will inspire you to do a better job during the next week, month, quarter, or year.