Category Archives: Uncategorized

Thank You, Robin Williams

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(The B-A-L-A-N-C-E Series will resume next week)

http://scomedy.com

http://scomedy.com

Dear Robin,

I remember watching you on Mork & Mindy way back in the late 1970s, asking myself, “Who is this guy?” I had never seen – or heard – anyone like you. And I haven’t ever since. Your unique brand of comedic brilliance captured my heart the moment I laid eyes on you. You touched so many lives – including mine – and I wanted to simply say Thank You.

Thank You for being you. There is no one else like you, nor will there ever be. Your unique world view and your vulnerability drew us closer in to you. You held nothing back. For any person who has ever felt marginalized, bullied, alienated, abandoned or maligned, you reminded us that every person has value.

Thank You for spreading laughter around the world. Your incomparable quick wit, rapid-fire retorts and character impersonations transported us far away from the troubles and struggles of everyday life. You gave us permission to laugh and reminded us to not  take life so seriously.

Thank You for having such a big heart. You donated countless hours of your time to charity functions and social causes, raising awareness and millions of dollars for people in need around the globe. Your selfless acts of kindness have changed – and will continue to change – people’s lives forever.

Thank You for sharing the love. You treated each person as an equal. Even those you poked fun at, you threw those verbal zingers with love. The light that emanated from your eyes touched others who felt that love and energy. Your smile alone made others smile.

And Thanks…for the memories, as Bob Hope said. You stood on the shoulders of comedy’s giants (well, sometimes you took a flying leap from those shoulders) and brought your unique brand of comedy to the stage and into our hearts. Your legacy lives on in your children, in your body of remarkable work and in every person you mentored over the years. You remain in our hearts forever.

Na-nu, Na-nu.

N is for Nourish Your Body, Mind and Spirit

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Part 5 in this B-A-L-A-N-C-E Your Life Series.

Public Health Dialogue: mental health and wellbeingOne of the best ways to balance your life is to nourish your body, mind and spirit. Even if you are a selfless person, deriving great joy from serving others, a little selfishness is a necessity to pause and center yourself. You do that by taking care of yourself first – your body, mind and spirit.

Nourish Your Body.  You will often hear an elder say, “Thank goodness I still have my health.” Without your health, you cannot live a full life. Part of that health includes taking care of your body through proper nutrition, hydration, exercise and rest. Take stock of what you put into your body. Healthy dining – and recipes – are readily available and abundant. Most major metropolitan cities and even small towns feature weekly Farmer’s Markets, delivering fresh produce to consumers. Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) programs allow you to purchase a share or half share of a local farmer’s seasonal produce. Farm to table – it doesn’t get any fresher than that.

Now look at what you do to your body. How physically active are you? My father’s generation did everything themselves. They were more physically active completing day-to-day tasks. He mowed the lawn every week. He lived to be almost 88. Today, much physical activity has been delegated to others to do: Laundry, cleaning the house, washing the car, lawn and garden care, interior and exterior home repairs. Back in my Dad’s time, each of those activities brought with it a certain amount of daily physical fitness. Today, that delegation can sometimes mean physical inactivity or complacency.

Last, look at how much rest you need. When you are finished with the day’s activities, are you getting enough sleep? Every person’s needs are slightly different. I learned how to nap when I was in nursery school. The habit of napping carried me through college. It still serves me well today. If you want to know how much sleep your body truly needs, then try this on a weekend: Don’t set the alarm. See how much time your body needs to feel fully refreshed. What new habit will help you to nourish your body?

Nourish Your Mind. Beyond keeping your body physically active, you must also keep your mind alert and active. Keeping your mind active is important to your overall wellbeing, especially as you age. Here are a few of my favorite ways to nourish your mind: Find a quiet place and meditate. Enjoy a stimulating conversation with someone (not just the usual “What did you do this weekend?” question. Discuss deeper issues). Learn something new every day. Activate your right brain (creative thinking, dreaming) and your left brain (problem solving, analyzing). Engage your brain with puzzles and word jumbles. One of my favorite brain health apps is Lumosity. What new habit will help you to nourish your mind?

Nourish Your Spirit. Beyond your human, physical being is your spiritual being, that part of you that puts you in touch with the life force that is bigger than you. Some call it God, Allah, Buddha, The Great Spirit, or simply The Universe. The New Age movement of the 1960s and 1970s pushed open the thinking about blending  science and spirituality to create a more unified, holistic way of thinking and being. For me, the connection to my spiritual side comes from time spent away from any usual day-to-day activities that allows me to spend time alone in retreat and quiet reflection. My greatest spiritual companion is nature. A walk in nature helps to anchor me and remind me about what is most important in life. What new habit will help you to nourish your spirit?

When you invest the time in yourself to nourish your body, mind and spirit, you will live a full, well balanced life.

Go In With the Outcome in Mind

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Chess pieces on chessboardThe best results in life require some planning. Everything from maintaining relationships to facilitating meetings could benefit from some simple advance attention.

If you want to get the most out of a one-on-one meeting, be prepared with a private outline or agenda that keeps you focused. Here are some ground rules for getting the most out of an information-seeking conversation:

  1. Confirm how much time the other person has.
  2. Understand their flexibility; learn if they have a meeting before or after yours.
  3. Tell the person up front what information you need.
  4. Come prepared with specific questions.
  5. Chat for only a few minutes at the beginning to get acquainted on a more personal level.
  6. Discuss important items first, and leave any spare time at the end of your meeting to talk about other personal items.

I learned the hard way about the value of preparation and the importance of directing the conversation a number of years ago. I had invited a colleague to meet for morning coffee to get caught up since we hadn’t seen each other for a while. We spent the first 45 minutes of our conversation talking about our personal lives, news, issues, etc. She looked at her watch with a surprised look and said that she had just ten minutes left before she had to leave and be back at her office for a conference call with a client. Now I was in the awkward position of cramming all of my questions about the topic of my interest into the last ten minutes. That experience taught me an important lesson. When you have a specific topic that you want to discuss, let your intention be known, and discuss it first rather than wasting time on idle chit-chat.

When you meet with someone to discuss a specific topic, remind yourself that you have a limited amount of time to spend. Set up your meeting with clear objectives in mind. Let the other person know in advance what you would like to discuss. If you don’t, the other person may misinterpret your intent. When you meet, remind the other person what you would like to talk about. Casual get-togethers with no agenda are fine too if it’s clear up front that’s how you intend to use the time. You will get more out of meetings and conversations when you prepare yourself – and others – about how you plan to use the time.

Repeat this phrase to yourself as you enter any meeting or one-on-one conversation: Go in with the outcome in mind.

Remembering Mattie Stepanek

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2003-Mattie-head-shot-LO

Ten years ago this week, America lost a young hero, Mattie Stepanek. His name may not be widely recognized, yet, his poetry and his passion for life touched the hearts of young and old alike. Mattie Stepanek achieved more in his short life – just 13 years – than most do in a lifetime.

I first discovered the poetry of Mattie Stepanek while standing in a bookstore in 2001. A table near the front door was filled with dozens of copies of a featured book entitled Heartsongs. It was the cover’s whimsical design and vibrant colors that captured my attention. I opened to the first page of the book. Greeting me was a photograph of the author, Matthew Joseph Thaddeus Stepanek, along with his biography. I began reading his heartwarming story. In this book of poetry, I selected and read several poems. As I read his story, I learned that Mattie was born with a rare disease, Dysautonomic Mytichondrial Myopathy, which interrupts the body’s automatic functions, like breathing, heart rate, blood pressure and digestion. It also causes muscle weakness.

Mattie began writing poetry at the age of three. From an early age, he accepted his disease, even though he required a ventilator, regular blood transfusions, medicine, therapy, leg braces and eventually a specially designed power wheelchair. As a prolific author of several New York Times best sellers, he appeared on all of the major television networks (yes, he appeared on Oprah), cable and radio stations and was featured in most major print publications.

His message was simple: Love life and love one another. Despite a life-threatening disease, he joyously embraced life and treasured each day. The disease claimed the lives of Mattie’s three older siblings and then in 2004, it claimed his life. He wrote seven books and created several audio recordings. He regarded himself as a peacemaker because he truly cared about the global community.

I keep his poetry books on my bedroom nightstand, ready to be picked up and read any time I need to listen to Mattie’s words of hope, love and joy. To learn more about Mattie’s legacy and the continuing work of his mother, Jeni Stepanek, Ph.D., and the Mattie J.T. Stepanek Foundation, visit www.mattieonline.com. Be sure to sign the petition by July 17, 2014 to officially create a Mattie J.T. Stepanek Peace Day.

“Peace is possible…it can begin simply over a game of chess and a cup of tea.” Mattie J.T. Stepanek

Photo: Mattieonline.com

Starbucks’ Sweet Smell of Success

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cap-and-gownWith the announcement this week that Starbucks is partnering with Arizona State University (ASU) Online to offer Starbucks workers college tuition reimbursement, it positions both Starbucks and its workers in a favorable light. The coffee giant’s College Achievement Plan provides a win/win for both employer and workers.

How it positions Starbucks: This new plan complements the Starbucks mission: “To inspire and nurture the human spirit - one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time.” It positions Starbucks as an industry leader, encouraging its workers who work 20 hours or more a week (either part time or full time) to complete their college education through convenient, online courses. It also demonstrates that Starbucks is paying it forward, investing in the future of its workers. And of course it solidifies the iconic Starbucks brand by building a stronger workforce since workers will remain at Starbucks over the long haul.

How it positions Starbucks partners (they are not called employees): It encourages partners to enroll in college and apply what they learn directly to their work. The more partners learn outside the realm of their daily jobs, the more well-rounded they become. As they continue through college, they may work their way up in the organization. When they apply the “pay it forward” philosophy to their own lives, they become more philanthropic and involved in their communities.

Some are criticizing this plan, claiming it creates another corporate monopoly. Within the College Achievement Plan, when partners complete their freshman and sophomore online courses through ASU, they will be given a discount. Completion of their junior and senior year coursework is fully paid by Starbucks. How refreshing for a corporate employer to offer tuition assistance to its workers. Wouldn’t it be nice if more employers invested in their employees’ futures?

What investments are you making in others and in yourself? How are you paying forward?

Are You Managing Impressions?

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MasksScottChanFreeDigitalPhotosnetHow are you presenting yourself to others? What impression are you making? Sociologist Erving Goffman developed the social role theory, which states that we manage other people’s impressions of us by how we present ourselves to them. In his 1959 groundbreaking book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Goffman says that as we manage other people’s impressions of us (he coined the phrase impression management), we assume and play many roles, much like actors on stage.

Impression management is defined as “a person altering or changing his/her self-presentation to create appearances to satisfy particular audiences.” Goffman says that people are the actors “performing” on a stage, using a variety of props if they choose to use them, and that they can perform for an audience or just for themselves. The essence of impression management theory is that we all play various roles in our lives. We often play several different roles throughout each day.

Roles have certain clothing and accessories that accompany them. Think of the costumes actors wear as they perform. Some roles are more closely aligned to who we are underneath it all, and other roles are a far stretch from who we truly are. It’s why we often buy a new suit to wear to an important client presentation; we want to embrace the role of a successful business executive. Goffman also says that impression management can either “hide negative attributes or enhance a person’s status” or “increase or decrease a person’s position of status.” For instance, your role as spouse is very different from your role as supervisor at work. You may manage impressions less at home than at work because you have the freedom to be your true self at home. The roles that we play require us to wear masks. Behind the mask is our real identity. With roles come expectations. As a supervisor, for example, there are certain expectations that come with that role. For instance, it is expected that the supervisor will oversee the work of direct reports, will keep in constant contact with them to measure their progress, and will offer guidance when needed.

It is important for us to understand impression management because we assume so many different roles — business professional, volunteer, community leader, friend, spouse, committee member or neighbor — and so do the people around us. Some many people manage their impressions so tightly that they become something other than who they truly are inside. When managing impressions, remember to be your authentic self. How are you presenting yourself? How are you managing impressions?

Image courtesy of Scott Chan, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take Time to Retreat

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Sunrise at Yumigahama BeachImagine getting away from everything that is familiar to you, allowing yourself to experience something new. In the process, you get to know yourself at a much deeper level. That, in essence, is what a retreat is designed to do.

Retreats come in every size and shape, offering a short or long stay, structured or unstructured, communal or private, religious or nondenominational. Your primary goal is reflection, either about your personal life or your professional life. Searching the internet, or following recommendations of friends or colleagues, you will find hundreds of retreat centers and spiritual centers around the world. Some include simple, rustic accommodations and ask for a freewill offering. Others feature more modern facilities, an organized plan and fee structure. Some retreats are self-directed; others are organized for you.

I enjoyed my first self-directed retreat five years ago and chose a private hermitage in a natural setting. For me, the term self-directed meant “Be open to see what each day brings.” I was fully present in each moment. My journal was my constant companion. I looked at every experience with fresh eyes and captured those thoughts on paper. Recently, I revisited that journal. As I read my words, I relived the experience.

If you are feeling unfocused, scattered in your thinking or overwhelmed, a retreat may be just what you need. Schedule regular time for yourself each year to go on a retreat to just be or to think, create and plan. When you plan a retreat, do it with an open mind and open heart. You will return home feeling rejuvenated and more focused.

When will you plan your next retreat?

Make Referrals The Right Way – Part 3

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1WomanExcited Lesson Three: Join a “lead” generating group. In lead generating groups, individuals usually pay an annual fee to become part of an exclusive business networking group. This means that only one or two individuals from specific industries are represented.

Lead exchange groups limit the number of members from various industries, like law, accounting, insurance, marketing, real estate or interior design, to name a few. Most groups meet weekly, bi-weekly or monthly with the specific intent of delivering business referrals to each other during the meeting. Traditionally, the group as a whole gets permission from the other members in the group to share their names with anyone they come in contact with who might be interested in doing business with them. That’s different from randomly giving out names to other people without the other person’s knowledge (as you already know, I do not support that practice).

Some lead groups work better than others. Do your homework first. Get as much information about the group as you can. Talk to people who are already members. See if you can attend a function as a guest and observer. Carefully study who else is in the group. Make sure they are people you want to associate with before you commit.

For a lead group to work well, four key criteria must exist: 1. Mutual respect for each other; 2. Trust among group members; 2. High business standards/ethics; and 4. A generous or giving spirit. When those four criteria exist, the group will work well for you.

How to Position Yourself as a Valuable Resource at Work

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MP900439442When you set a strategic goal for yourself to “Become recognized as a valuable resource at work,” here are some potential action steps to take:

  1. Look for opportunities in meetings to openly share your ideas and opinions. Present your ideas in an inclusive, non-threatening manner, using confident (not aggressive) language.
  2. Be known as a subject matter expert. Let others know that you are a resource in your area of expertise, and that you would be happy to share your knowledge with them. Remember, you are a resource (humble), not a know-it-all (egotistical).
  3. Continue learning. Remain current on trends and market changes in your industry and in your field. Share that knowledge with others.
  4. Ask for more experience or more challenging work. If you want more experience or a more challenging work environment, discuss your desire with your boss or supervisor. The next time a large project comes up, who do you think s/he will think of first?
  5. Volunteer to work on more challenging projects. The room usually goes quiet when people ask for volunteers in meetings. A career-changing experience could be waiting for you on the other side of “yes.”
  6. Continue your education with classes or special certifications. The expectation with letters behind your name is this: You know your stuff.
  7. Be the best you can be, and produce consistently good work. You will gain the reputation of being knowledgeable and reliable.
  8. Share new information. When you attend conferences or professional development programs, share some of the highlights of what you learned with your colleagues.
  9. Work with people who will expand your thinking. Work on a team with people whom you admire and respect and who will stretch your thinking.
  10. Know what opportunity looks like when it comes knocking on your door. People’s careers can shift dramatically when they make one important strategic choice along the way. Lead a big project. Serve on a committee or task force. Accept a new position.
  11. Tell yourself, “I am a resource.” Own this title. Embrace it fully. Be proud of what you contribute to the organization.

When your resourcefulness shines, others will be attracted to you. They will recognize how  valuable you are to the organization. Begin today by creating your action plan.

 

Look on the Bright Side

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White Clouds in Blue SkyMy favorite song of the hit musical, Monty Python’s Spamalot, is Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. Leave it to the creative minds of the Monty Python team to develop a spoof of the beloved story of Camelot. The song suggests that even amidst the challenges of the 12th Century, people can still remain positive. (And, of course, the catchy songs will stick in your head, so buying the soundtrack is a must). While our lives have certainly changed throughout the centuries, one thing remains the same: A positive attitude can lift you out of the most dismal of circumstances.

Take rain, for instance. We have received a fair amount of it during the past few months. Some people only associate rain with dark, gloomy skies and dreariness. They see one rain drop and the negative comments pour in. “This Spring was just awful. We had way too much rain” some will say. “I just wish all this rain would go away” others will add. They forget that rain is an essential part of the cycle of life. Without water, we die.

As a Master Gardener, I love rain. It means I don’t have to water my garden. Mother Nature handles it for me (and she does a far better job than I do anyway). When I look at my garden, I see lush, colorful plants, happy to receive the natural – rather than chemically treated – water. When someone makes a negative comment about rain, I spin it to the positive. “This is the best my garden has looked in the past few years,” I say. I choose to see things differently.

What attitude are you projecting? Do you inspire and motivate others to look on the bright side of life?