Empathy Is Needed in a Post-9/11 America

Artist Faith Rinngold and New York children, ages 8-10, created the 9/11 Peace Story Quilt, 2006

Artist Faith Rinngold and New York children, ages 8-10, created the 9/11 Peace Story Quilt in 2006

Where were you on September 11, 2001? What were you feeling as the events of that day unfolded?

I remember exactly where I was. I was working on the computer in my home office, getting ready for a morning meeting in downtown Cleveland. The phone rang. It was one of my clients. She quickly said, “Turn on your TV!” When I asked her why, she repeated, “Just go and turn on your TV!!” I ran downstairs, and found national news anchor Peter Jennings reporting live on ABC-TV. He was showing video footage of a jet hitting the World Trade Center in New York City.

My mind was trying to process what was happening. I stood there shocked and dazed. I realized my client was still on the office line upstairs. When I returned to the call, she provided a few more details. I didn’t know until much later that one of the “hostage” airplanes had flown over Cleveland Hopkins International Airport. I live several miles from the airport.

While the day was filled with disturbing images and reports, for me, the evening was surrealistic. Living so close to the airport, I didn’t hear the usual airplanes overhead that night. It was completely silent.

This year, the citizens of our country and the world remembered that tragic event that happened 15 years ago and the thousands of lives that were lost and thousands more who lost a spouse, partner, parent, child, sibling, relative, friend, neighbor, or co-worker.

9/11 changed the way we travel, how we perceive or judge others, how we communicate, how we measure security, and how we mourned as a nation.

The greatest lesson 9/11 taught us is the power – and the necessity – of empathy.

From my perspective, empathy is sorely lacking in society today. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines empathy as “the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else’s feelings.” Simply put, it’s trying to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Sympathy, on the other hand, is defined as “a feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.; a sympathetic feeling is a feeling of support for something.” Both require some level of compassion. To me, empathy requires a deeper level of compassion than sympathy. It requires stretching your capacity to genuinely “feel” for another person. Empathy also requires setting aside your ego and your own wants, desires, and needs and focusing on another person’s wants, desires, and needs. It also demands that you listen from your heart rather than your head.

The world today is a far different place than it was 15 years ago. Your skill set has expanded to include a greater consideration for cultural differences, diversity, and inclusion. Workplace environments and laws governing the country, states and cities have broadened our perspectives.

9/11 is a time of remembrance. It is also a time to reflect and ask yourself how you’re doing. How do you demonstrate empathy in your workplace? In your personal life? In your community? How open-minded are you when you travel to other countries or when you welcome new citizens to ours? Where can you incorporate peace, love, and unity in your life?

Empathy Provides a Deeper Connection

Victory Bell, Kent State University

Victory Bell, Kent State University

There are opportunities every day to practice empathy. Yet few people take on the challenge. They may think it’s too hard to become vulnerable and allow themselves to feel a deep emotional connection to someone else’s pain. What they would find, if they were willing, is that out of that empathy comes understanding.

Two days ago, my husband and I drove to our college alma mater, Kent State University, to attend the 45th commemoration of the May 4, 1970 shootings on that campus. I felt compelled to go, even though I was still in high school on that date 45 years ago. The University plays an important role in my life. Several family members received their undergraduate degrees there. It was also the place where I met my husband, Mark, in the late 1970s.

It was a postcard day, with clear blue skies, sunshine and a gentle breeze. The lilacs, viburnum and daffodils were in spectacular bloom. It was a stark antithesis of what happened on that hallowed ground of University Commons 45 years earlier.

IMG_2851The May 4 memorial sits atop a shady hillside next to Taylor Hall, where a small troop of National Guardsmen opened fire on students. At the entrance to the memorial sit three granite pavers demanding attention. Each is inscribed with one word. Inquire. Learn. Reflect. To me, they represent the essentials to practicing empathy. It reminds us that we didn’t need to be there 45 years ago to feel the impact of what happened that day.

Inquire. To practice empathy, an inquiring heart is required. It begins with a profound curiosity and a yearning to know about the world in which one lives. It starts with a series of open-ended questions that seek knowledge and the truth.

Learn. Response to inquiry provides the required foundation for learning and ultimately understanding. Continual learning leads to continual growth when the learning is applied and practiced. Learning can come from many sources ranging from books and scholarly journals to lived experiences.

Reflect. Reflection requires being fully present in the moment, when all distractions are averted. The mind is open to ponder information and facts and to gain perspective. Investing the time to reflect allows for a more personal understanding. Reflection can lead to more questions, deeper inquiry, learning, and so the cycle begins again. Inquire. Learn. Reflect.

As I listened to the family and friends of the four slain students, I felt profound empathy. The older sister of Bill Schroeder said “You showed up!” She said she would tell her 95-year old mother that we (the audience) showed up to remember her son and what happened that day. Our simple act of showing up had a much deeper meaning and value to one person and one family than we could imagine. You never know what your presence means.

People often confuse sympathy with empathy. The two are very different, as explained by Dr. Brene Brown in an excellent short video that’s less than three minutes. Watch it. It will change your perspective and help you understand when you’re being sympathetic when you should be empathetic.

The world needs greater empathy today. The workplace requires greater empathy today. Leaders must demonstrate greater empathy today. Before you enter the rabbit hole of name-calling and judgment of others, take time to practice empathy. Lay out the possibility in your heart and in your mind that you have the capacity to connect with someone else’s pain. Inquire. Learn. Reflect.

Photos: Christine Zust